Perhaps my favorite aspect of the kink community is the use of nonverbal signals to express what you’re into.  From the simple choice of left versus right (dominant v submissive) all the way to a color coding that covers far more than 50 shades.  Wristbands, handkerchiefs and jewelry all help send that special someone a clue about what you are looking for.  Old etiquette is sparsely followed in today’s age of online narcissism but the foundation of the system still has merit.  

The need to silently advertise a desire for homosexual encounters seems quaint in the face of apps like grindr and worldwide pride celebrations.  It’s got me thinking, maybe we should repurpose the whole flagging system.  Start marking people for common obstacles they let affect interpersonal relationships.  Imagine a world where you can non-verbally tell if someone is flaky or co-dependent.  A new way to scan the room for potential fun and companionship while avoiding your most common pitfalls.  An early detection system for self destructive behavior.

Red flags are notoriously bad qualities that people have trouble hiding from keen observers.  Whether it’s the crazy glint in someone’s overeager eyes or tell-tale signs of desperation in a forced laugh, these are things your friends can tell you about when you can’t see past the chance to get laid.  Just like some people prefer blondes over brunettes, most of us gravitate toward the same type of damaged goods when dating.  Those who find healthy qualities attractive usually settle down quickly and build loving functional relationships on their own.  Don’t worry, their lives are probably boring.

After a certain number of partners the rest of us can start to flag the things we fall for every time.  I’m someone that attracts emotionally needy heterosexual momma’s boys.  If I’m able to tag them before release back into the dating population I could save some other woman the trouble of discovery.  A compassionate system of markers would allow people looking for a fixer-upper the chance to adopt strays and rehabilitate them.  Over time, the emotional maturity of society could improve and we might defeat the antagonistic system of serial monogamy that dominates American culture.

Clearly, there are flaws with my plan.  The use of labels in general causes discord, especially when unaware people have to face their true nature.  Much like kink protocol only applies to a select group, red flagging would likely be a self selected activity.  If you have dated for a while and can’t seem to pin down a satisfying long-term relationship, a healthy dose of objective truth is probably what you need to get back on track.  Patterns and cliches can only predict someone’s problems to a point.  After that it requires a dedication to personal growth.  True love becomes finding someone that puts up with you regardless of the flags you fly.