The older I get the more I value friendships. With everyone. It started with people I like but now I value the people I don’t like as much too. Life is short and friendships aren’t always rosy. There’s a lot of shit to shovel around the world and we should all do our part. Makes my next breakdown more bearable when I know I’m not completely alone. I put too much emphasis on partnership in my 20s. The opposite end of that pendulum swing isn’t polyamory, it’s community. Thankfully, I’ve found one here in Seattle.

Last night I drank way too much and simultaneously managed to go the whole day without eating. I still have heartbreak gnawing away at my spirit and it takes an exacting toll. The logical thing to do is give up hope of ever seeing that person again. Usually I would do the logical thing but something in my soul won’t let it go. I’m convinced it’s not over the same way I’m convinced time isn’t linear. I’m not a crazy stalker and except for a regrettable drunk text last night I’ve done a great job keeping my feelings to myself. I’ll likely go the rest of my life never knowing why he won’t speak to me but it won’t be for lack of asking.