Rule number one is Never Go Back and usually the easiest to follow. A rift in any relationship puts a wake between two people. Left to our own devices each party floats away in their own direction. Well, that would be the natural course of things if human egos and emotional dysfunction didn’t get in the way.  We desperately paddle against the tides in an effort to control fate. Strong feelings are even harder to ignore when they are irrational. Not pursuing feelings so tangible I can taste them feels too much like doing nothing. In order to follow Rule #1, I have to stay looking forward even when I rather lose myself in someone’s eyes.

When a person doesn’t want me around, I don’t often want to see them again either. I’m only into people that are into me for the most part. Of course that leaves me quite lonely most of the time. Then there’s the swampy area I encounter when someone likes me but doesn’t like like me. That’s the sticky situation I’m in now. A possible camaraderie is on the line and I have to fight through the amorous feelings I’m having. It’s a personal internal battle I’ve fought before. When I succeed there’s a great chance for lasting friendship. When I fail, I am typically blackballed from some place or another.

I told him how I feel because that’s the only logical step toward resolving the problem. Pining away in silence while secretly hoping he’ll reciprocate my attention could potentially fabricate a romantic interlude where heads and heels exchange places for a while. The end there is even messier than the problem I’m dealing with here. I’m nowhere near done finding out who I am or what I’m doing here. Trying to hold part of myself still long enough to consider someone else’s feelings is virtually impossible. These are as much his reasons as my own, from what I can tell. This rational knowledge we obviously share is why friendship is so preferable.

There are precious few who understand anything about me. Even fewer I can communicate with about it. A good friend is worth a dozen lovers, imho.  The only obstacle is a burning desire to bump uglies with him when we’re hanging out together. I have a two-part plan to counter this impulse – concurrent positive and negative reinforcements. Negative involves spanking. Positive involves orgasms. For this treatment, one dose of non-monogamy for the win. The people I meet are usually game for at least one of the two scenarios. Some make an effort to fill both roles but I recommend having at least one experienced, dedicated spanker for optimal results.

The 3rd rule is Keep Moving. Combined with number 1 that means I have to go forward. I can’t spend time looking over my shoulder to see if there’s something I could do differently. Try walking with your head turned. You will run up against something you never saw coming. That kind of crash might not phase you the first few times but after a while you learn to look where you are going. When I need to relax and get away from focusing I try to think of nothing.  When I catch my gaze drifting off I at least look toward future possibilities.

I’m always in pain to some degree or another because personal growth is difficult. So now I’m adding a fourth rule. Live Fearlessly. Live without fear and keep moving forward. Don’t compromise what you want to be with someone because at the end we are all alone with our selves. Enjoy relationships for what they are, when they are and work for the ones you want to keep. If the other person is working too you will get to the end together. Just don’t mistake death as the only end out there. Recognize change and embrace what can happen in this world. Charge forward fearlessly.