The regularity of a job has been the greatest gift to my sanity recently. The stress I’m managing due to the job itself is minimal compared to the heavy existential angst I put myself through to get here. And what’s better, the job offers 4 sessions of free counseling through a 3rd party. I got stressed out and started crying in front of my boss. Fortunately, I anticipated it and asked to talk in private. I am excited about Labor Day weekend and I am irrationally worried about having the energy to be happy that weekend. 

I’m doing at least a little bit of yoga every day.  Almost unconsciously I stretch my shoulders with gomukasana during work.  I involuntarily fold into  uttanasana while waiting for the shower to heat up.  These are small habits I cultivated over time, integrating intent with existence.  According to the elder yogis, it’s a shallow way to keep connected.  I prefer a kiddie pool over the drought I experience between classes.  When I put off yoga until I’m on a mat I lose momentum in my daily life.  I pile the thought up with everything else I should be doing and it becomes a task instead of a tool.

Fortunately, these spurts of asana naturally coalesce into a practice throughout the week.  I don’t feel complete without doing a vignette of triko-ardha chandrasana at least once every 48 hours.  I remember to get my twists done whenever I’m feeling anxious before going to work – usually on Wednesday, my Monday.  This has led to a vast improvement in my parsva trikonasana.  I’m often reminded of the linking concept I learned in teacher training.  I have caught myself planning classes in my head based around the way my hips move in janu sirsasana.  All of this leads me to one firm thought.

I need to complete my training.  Instead of going back to Memphis (Dagobah) I believe my fate lies North of me in Ravenna.  There’s a teacher training course that meets on Tuesday nights for a year and if they’ll let me sign up, I’ll do that.  I swore I’d never pay for school again but I’m approaching this as an investment in my physical health – y’know, like a gym membership.  I’m not sure yet where I’ll get the money to pay for this.  If I can find the courage to teach a class by the end of the year, it might pay for itself.  Either way, it gives me something solid to look forward to every week and I’ll always need that from time to time.