The Best of Memphis poll needs one more category.  Best Pandering Asshole.

Popularity contests are not in themselves wrong.  Majority opinion has worth and it’s very flattering when you win.  And of course, the pathetic losers keep each other company in their mediocrity.  The premise is that the “best” of something gets recognition by consistently providing quality service and/or entertainment to the masses.  Lobbying and begging for votes cheapens the concept.  Though adding Groveling to the Miss American contest has great entertainment potential.

If only money wasn’t involved.  The annual Best of Memphis thing sparks a deluge of people and places reminding everyone who will listen that they want your vote.  Some even give reasons why they deserve it.  It’s nothing more than high school student council elections sans glitter and poster-boards.  With less meaning.

I’m pretty damn opinionated yet I have trouble finding answers for the wealth of categories in this poll.  Best BBQ in Memphis? You aren’t really a Memphian without thoughts on that.  (Vegetarians note, DeJaVu has excellent BBQ tofu.)  But Best Pizza?  Uhm – it’s a tie between New York and Chicago for me.  Best Florist?  Might as well call it least shitty florist in Memphis because people who care about flowers most likely go to the spring plant sales and grow their own.

It’s also annoying that you have to fill out at least 50% of the 135 categories.  I guess your opinion only counts if you are a really picky eater or a music snob?  It’s a shame the government doesn’t apply the same rule to elections.  Your vote only counts if you invest in 50% or more of the issues at hand.