I’m pure grit in a world that worships cleanliness. An artist raised by pragmatists, I’ve felt out of place since puberty. My mind is logical the same way a fractal pattern is beautiful, there’s an organic root that starts the whole thing. I do very few things without a good reason. The longer I’ve lived, the better I am it. Aging like wine, hopefully I’m complex enough to stand the test of time. That doesn’t make the solitude easy. Those poor bottles of wine, alone in the chilly dark, waiting for an inconceivably grand event that might call for opening them. Valued for just sitting there, they never get a chance to fulfill potential glory. If lucky, good bottles are eventually consumed just so they won’t go to waste.

Or maybe I’m cheese and aging just means I’m getting better but smell worse? Who knows. I have to choose between continuing my expensive lease in Lower Queen Anne or moving to a smaller place in a shittier neighborhood for 15% less rent. I just felt settled here this year and would really like to relax in this spot for a little while longer. If the rent increase is more than last year it might not matter what I want. In the case I’m on the line, it comes down to deciding what I want to spend my money on. I’m working harder than ever to keep everything together and move forward with my personal goals.

My honesty is honed to the sharpest point I’ve ever wielded. Something between a kukri and samurai sword I’m able to clear swaths of bullshit with single thoughts and still precisely express myself when challenged. I’m first to admit how lonely the whole thing is. All my true allies seem to still live in The South but I know I’m not done here yet. Shedding some detrimental relationships from 2016, I feel ready to focus. I still go on dates and talk to friendly strangers. I put myself out there enough to get opportunities and at the same time drop all expectation of companionship. Through that filter, people who appreciate me make themselves known.

Uprooting now will scatter every bit of organization I’ve cobbled together but I don’t think moving would ruin everything I’ve built. Mostly because change can’t defeat me. I spent my good years learning to survive the unexpected and now I can function in a stressful world. The time I spent preparing for this was haphazard at best. All the same, I recognize what my family and friends have done for me. I’d be in the loony bin without the support of my past loved ones. The hope is that they will continue to love me in the future.