I can hear people having sex. I’m at a party where the idea is to be loose. I can’t be loose. I don’t feel comfortable being myself around a group of people without backup. I know people here but I’m missing a partner in crime. The ability to be completely open only happen with trust. I have learned to trust my gut and follow what feels right. Seemingly nonsensical to an observer, I always act with purpose. I like my intelligence and ability to empathize, despite how sharp it makes me. When feeling insecure I use yoga and music is the perfect stress-reliever. Overall, I’m fairly put together. Why can’t I loosen up my emotions?

Not caring what people think is a two-way street. When you’re young, it’s about shaking the haters. The older you get, it’s about not caring what your friends think either. Finding who you are is a solo task and concessions should only be made for a few special people. Everyone’s opinion is about as useful as their asshole when it comes to other people, it might make you feel good but only temporarily at best. How you feel ultimately comes down to you. Being able to brush off compliments as easily as insults is the goal. Most people say nice things as much for themselves as anyone. True appreciation is felt, not heard.

I might go do yoga naked in the sun. I’d feel the appreciation from party guests for sure. It also smacks of effort. The problem is, I don’t want to have sex today. Despite the coolness of this crowd, nudity tends to trigger overtures and my carnal cravings are hard to ignore at times. Basically, I don’t want to have a really good time right now and regret it later. I’d rather wait until I want it for more than the orgasm. I want a partner in crime so I can truly relax. Besides, sweating wasn’t at the top of my list today. Then again, I plan to sweat when I work out my primitive urges on the dance floor tonight. It’s my day off and I get to do whatever I want, that’s the point. Tonight, I’m going to visit Ernestine & Hazel.