I want to assert myself to an almost abusive degree.  I’m honestly worried I’d hurt someone if I let myself give in to certain urges.  It’s likely there’s a pink slime river of rage running deep inside me and it’s going to explode out of my pores one day.  Until then I keep reserving myself.  Once unleashed, my anger is going to consume me and everything around me like a metaphysical atom bomb.  That sort of thing must be used wisely. 

In the meantime I’m honestly worried about the first boy that lets me peg him doggy style.  The kinesthetics of ass-fuckery are complicated when you don’t know your own strength.  I don’t want to hurt anyone but I am eager to indulge the primal urge to thrust myself deep inside someone.  My penchant for rough sex is connected to this feeling because I want someone to fuck me so hard I can feel him straining.  I imagine my muscles tightening and hump as eagerly as he does by the end of it.  Tangible proof of penis envy, I never made the connection until now.

My next commission payment should be enough for the cock and harness I want.  My leather daddy is willing to make a custom harness for me but I’m going to need something easy to clean as well.  For something this important, I’ll spare no expense.