Ohmigosh – there is SO MUCH to choose from. I don’t think you can swing a dead cat without hitting an event in Memphis this weekend. I’m not even going to mention scheduled weekly stuff this go round – those will be here later. Honestly, if you don’t leave home this weekend you should eat a gallon of shame ice cream.

Tonight’s big event is the Thursdays Squared Tower Courtyard show. Well-known local band Star & Micey kicks off a national tour with this show. Another local, John Paul Keith and the 145s (from TX) will open the show. There’s a $10 admission for this show, which is reasonable for this level of entertainment. However, there is also a VIP option for $25 offered by Delta Groove – it comes with access to a lounge, snacks and two vodka drinks. Seems like a good deal to me. It’s a 21+ show and proceeds will benefit the Church Health Center.

Also, Thursday marks the beginning of the 2014 FIFA World Cup in Brazil when the hosting nation kicks off against Croatia @ 3PM. Luckily, most of the South American event is only 2 hours off our time zone at most. (The western part of Brazil is level with the Central time zone.)

So if you want to watch the sports battle royale of everywhere-but-America, there are some places in Memphis that have pledged to provide coverage. The highlight matches coming up are Spain v Netherlands @ 2PM on Friday, England v Italy @ 5PM on Saturday, and then Ghana v USA @ 5PM on Monday. The official location for the American Outlaws watch party is The Brass Door downtown. Celtic Crossing and The Bayou are good, reliable places to catch the game. For people farther east, Dan McGuiness and The Flying Saucer are also providing game coverage.

If you hate music and sports, then perhaps you’ll like comedy. The Hi-Tone offers a rare treat tonight – Comedy Night!. There are some comedians in from Chicago that will make you laugh (at least once) for the low low price of $7. Doors @ 8PM.

Friday ushers in a chance to catch some local art at The Rozelle Warehouse. It’s the opening night of Unchained II: a self curated art exhibit featuring diverse Memphis artists. The opening is from 6PM-9PM, so you can eruditely peruse the exhibit before going in search of less refined fun.

Speaking of less refined, the Buccaneer Lounge has James & the Ultrasounds, Sheiks, and The Warble going on around 10PM tomorrow night. This rock and roll extravaganza is on none other than Friday the 13th. If you do nothing else this weekend, I’d say this is the place to be.

If that’s too late for you (or you don’t like loud, dimly lit dive bars) Otherlands is hosting a more reserved brand of rock and roll – Christian Seay. This show promises not only a chillaxed ambiance, but is also all ages. Maybe bring your dad out for a treat? Or dad, maybe bring your kids out so they’ll be good and exhausted tomorrow? Either way – Happy (early) Father’s Day!

After partying hard the night before, I know the only thing you want to do Saturday is go jogging on Beale, right? You’re in luck! At 7PM there will be a group of dedicated athletes vying to place in the 18th annual Gibson 5K. This race is the third in a series of M-town nighttime running events. Registration is still open at $25, even if you didn’t sign up for the series. Personally, I only run if something is chasing me. However, I am still tempted to go downtown so I can pick up a stiff drink and maybe burn calories vicariously. The weather should be great.

For all you true country music fans, Otherlands hosts Crawpatch Saturday from 8:30PM-11PM. A collection of musicians that joined forces when the two bands Crawdad and Briarpatch merged, Crawdad is a Memphis music institution. Many individuals have graced the lineup over time, but the band itself exists as its own entity. $7 cover for this all ages show, it will be a unique experience.

Or in the Cooper-Young area, you can catch Steve Lockwood & John Chambliss (formerly of Briarpatch) playing acoustic blues at Java Cabana around 8PM. Shows at Java are always free, but bring a few bucks anyway – musicians appreciate tips!

After fueling up on caffiene you can walk down to Bar DKDC (Don’t Know, Don’t Care) and grab a drink. Thelma & the Sleaze are coming down from Nashville to perform for your pleasure around 11PM.

Back over on Madison the P&H is cranking it up again, this time with The Pistol & The Queen – a Memphis-based group of musicians hailing from various hometowns. Their folksy country style lulls you into that comfortable state of communal loneliness. There’s no time stated for the show, so you’d better just show up early and start drinking. The music plays when it plays.

If you don’t want to do any of this, there are still shows at the 1884 Lounge and Hi Tone on Saturday. Or you can even go somewhere that has nothing going on and enjoy some good food or drinks. Whatever you do, just be sure to leave home. This weekend will be fun, I promise.