[Dark stage, single spotlight, that song I like by Vivaldi playing softly] 

I don’t want to have sex. [arms crossed] No, really, no matter how much better you make it sound. [Smile coyly, gesture] What part of me makes you think I’m lying? What part of you [points] won’t go away. I’ve made it clear in as many bro languages I know. If you want to wear the bro hood [flicks cap] you have to obey the commands.  [wink]

Why not? [exasperated] I’m not a high class slut but I still expect the courtesy of a first round. [condescending] Is that too much? [pause,gesture] I can make you feel good, we tertiarily went through this with all that innuendo. [sarcasm] Earlier, over the drinks you didn’t offer to buy.  [condescending] Except you didn’t impress ME.  A little too [up-down] on the average side with your ideal BMI and clean-cut good looks.  YOU aren’t someone I want that much.

[Honest] Sure, sex would feel good.  You are pretty and I’m great at making do with what I’m given but that would involve bringing you back to my place.  Then you will ask to smoke my weed and use my bathroom and generally get your DNA on all of my things.  And look, you’re great and all but I just can’t afford to wash my sheets this week.