I hate the condescending nature of anti-depressant commercials. Most of them have somber-looking middle age white women with plaintive eyes reciting “depression is serious medical condition”. Then a soft, nurturing male voice calmly explains that these pills will balance your brain juices so you don’t feel tired or stressed out anymore.

It’s okay. This is something you can’t change.
It’s out of your control. Take these.
It’s like a diabetic taking insulin. Nothing to be ashamed of.
Soon you’ll be normal. Everyone will like you. 

I take anti-depressants. I can’t relate to these advertisements at all. Then again, I have no desire to enhance interpersonal relationships with strangers. I do know that these pills afford me the opportunity to make better choices. Ever since I woke up from depression I’ve viewed every day as an opportunity to get stronger.

Leveling out my brain juices is only a temporary fix. I feel like depression is more than a medical condition. It’s a life choice. When it comes to horrific thoughts and sadistic humor – I’m the darkest person I know. I embrace the cruelty of nature with the same loving acceptance I once held for Pappy, my bigoted Southern grandfather. Everyone’s got shit to deal with, it just doesn’t all smell the same.

I lean into the dark parts of myself until the whole mess falls over and all I can do is laugh.  I learned how to do this from my favorite Robert.  That’s where I pick up a more Eastern view of things and the Western medicine becomes a mere cog in deus ex machina.  If I get lazy and rely on an external force to make me feel good, all the drugs in the world won’t help.  Namaste.