I have to change my habits if I plan to get any work done. Achieving what I came to do, I can reasonably support myself. Now the hard work begins. Getting here was fun and exciting and everything I did was brand fucking new. Now I’m working 7 days a week at two jobs and barely have time to see the few people that want to see me. Writing and yoga, my two real passions, fell by the wayside as my real-life stress increased. Cracks are forming at the seams between fantasy and reality and my need for balance is at critical levels. Continue reading Back to Basics
Category Archives: Yoga
Compartmentalization
Everyone at the bar is a similar version of someone I know. A strange philosophical anthropology where I’ve condensed everything I know about human nature to a few major archetypes, I’m not arrogant enough to think it’s measurable. I ascribe to empathy and the idea that sensitivity extends beyond the frayed nerves you see on my exterior. Feeling someone’s aura is only called intuition when it’s useful. The gut feeling that a person is bad for you doesn’t count if you still sleep with them. That’s called setting a trap and then falling into it. Recognizing bad seeds is a talent. Don’t get it twisted. Continue reading Compartmentalization
Not My Hair
Firmly establishing what my identity isn’t linked to, I’m faced with the bigger question of what is? An advantage to peeling away these layers of repression is high contrast. Each raw, painful memory stripped and exposed leaves a virtual road map to the sources of my insecurity. I only lament not getting more tattoos. Continue reading Not My Hair
The Serfsons
The most recent Simpsons episode is pretty great. I could really feel the Fuck You’s in the writing. Clearly still written by men, there’s a short speech about a girl becoming a woman who wants to be a mother and I totally understand the contextual nature of the situation but a run-on sentence is the only way to express my dissatisfaction at the misplaced sentiment. Life is about change and not everything is for everyone. I don’t expect to be right about everything yet I’m completely sure of myself. The past few years were about learning to fall gracefully. Getting back up? That happens at your own pace. Continue reading The Serfsons
Ezra Furman
I’m exploiting my wedge in a crack. Looking for potential in places no one checks, it’s my way of surveying humanity. People trying something new for the first time are the best forum for growth. Development happens in discomfort and the people we meet are our main source of disruption. Getting comfortable in a routine leads to ruts in behavior. Staying out of ruts is how we move forward. I’m going to a show in Ballard next week just to see the opener, if he is there. The publicist website lists the show but the venue only lists the headliner. Granted, the Tractor always puts on good shows; I’ll have fun no matter what happens. Continue reading Ezra Furman
Garden Party
I can hear people having sex. I’m at a party where the idea is to be loose. I can’t be loose. I don’t feel comfortable being myself around a group of people without backup. I know people here but I’m missing a partner in crime. The ability to be completely open only happen with trust. I have learned to trust my gut and follow what feels right. Seemingly nonsensical to an observer, I always act with purpose. I like my intelligence and ability to empathize, despite how sharp it makes me. When feeling insecure I use yoga and music is the perfect stress-reliever. Overall, I’m fairly put together. Why can’t I loosen up my emotions? Continue reading Garden Party
Slammin’ the D
I’m a naturally nocturnal creature. In the South, avoiding the sun is an understandable trait. In Seattle, it’s not even a challenge. I can go weeks without seeing direct sunlight if I want. Naturally, this led to a clinical deficiency of Vitamin D after my first winter. Every day felt like running through water and I lost the ability to do more than sleep during my time off. Fighting depression is hard enough without the added struggle to sit upright. In my defense, I took supplements for months to no effect. January, I gained a key piece to the puzzle. Vitamin D is only absorbed when taken with a meal. The opposite of what I do when taking pills in the morning. Oops. Continue reading Slammin’ the D
Losing My Religion
Slightly better than a functional alcoholic, I’m a stoner yogi. Turns out old hippies are thin because eating isn’t as important once you’re enlightened. Or at least lightened. There’s an IPA on tap here called Bodhizafa. Some guy told me that’s a word for monks who achieve enlightenment but then choose to come back and share their wisdom with the rest of us. My immediate response, “Lazy bastards.” Moderately surprised, the guy asks for an explanation. And I tell him the secret, “Achieving enlightenment isn’t the hard part. Staying there is the trick. I’ve experienced zen at least half a dozen times in my short life. Keeping your mind there is the hard part. Those guys are full of shit – they who cannot do, teach.” Continue reading Losing My Religion
Why Are You Crying?
Oh look, a butterfly. Continue reading Why Are You Crying?