Category Archives: Stories

Star Wars

Honest to gawd truth, I had no clue there was a new Star Wars movie coming out today. It’s a pretty insane concept considering my interests and friends, historically. It might be the most telling evidence of my change. I’m just not the person I used to be. Or I’m finally myself again. That part is still unclear.

Either way, my only personal affection for Star Wars is limited to Return of the Jedi. I remember experiencing a very base attraction to Mark Hamill as a young Jedi and an even baser attraction to Cary Fischer as a woman. She’s the first princess I ever identified with. Her way with Harrison Ford says it all.

Anyway, I’m really glad they are making this new trilogy. I’m even happier I don’t give a damn about it. I have zero investment. If it sucks, I’m not out anything. If it’s epic, I have that to look forward to. I’m pretty sure I’ll have time for Hollywood nonsense in another few years or so.

Becoming A Yoga Teacher

A number of people have asked me about teaching yoga.  A year ago, I announced I was in yoga teacher training.  I spent my money and met for sessions with a senior level Iyengar teacher.  It would make sense that a year later, I’d be a teacher.  I probably should be.   Continue reading Becoming A Yoga Teacher

Last Date

I didn’t even have to be in court. No shared assets, no children, no hard feelings. Just a legal procedure. I’m so grateful to the Baby Boomer generation. Their efforts are what streamlined the whole process. The droves of middle age women discovering new independence and reclaiming their personal freedom has condensed divorce into a 3-page worksheet.

I gotta say though, divorce lawyers are assholes.  Some people like assholes.  I’m into nice guys, personally.

Racism

In vocational school I spent some time training at The Med. On my first day, Tanya and I were walking back from the ED (Emergency Department) where we’d dropped off a patient. A man and his wife came rushing up to me and asked where he should go to find his family member. I immediately ceded the floor to the employee standing right next to me.

They stood there, mouths agape, unable to make words. Why the hesitation? My confusion cleared up when I saw the look on Tanya’s face. Pursed lips and the dead-eyed determined glaze of a woman dealing with idiots. Just then a young man in a long white coat rushes up to the couple with that comforting sense that he’d been looking for them all along. The triad frantically wanders off and we keep walking.

I looked at Tanya and she looked at me. “You saw that, didn’t you?”

I cast my eyes down, “Yeah,” I sigh, “It’s what I think it was?”

“Yep.”

Liability Coverage

Three crazy days draped in haze
Foggy memories, litter the roads
Masquerades and monsters’ ball
Selfish shindig shoveling dirt on egos
Alone in the corner, content with my lot
Socialites strained through indifference
Weep and wail, stone faced security
Seeking reparations for years not lived
Same age as a car my father owned
Resale value is relative. I’m a classic.
Hurtling down hills caked in obstacles
No insurance for the worst case.

Continue reading Liability Coverage

Egos & Heros

The party is kind of lame. I know why and can’t say I expected different. I showed up for appearances and stayed for the show. Though wearing my tits-on-a-platter garners less notice each year, it’s still the best method of avoiding eye contact with strangers I’ve found yet.

Doing the rounds, I find myself sitting outside smoking at the side entrance. The wristband theater alone makes it a great seat. The award for Most Patience on South Main goes to man on the door next to me. The way he carries himself is a testament to not giving a fuck about it.

Everyone cycles past, as they’re aught to do. I stay still enjoying the soft glow of my shields, perpetually warding off the unfamiliar. Some pretty faces stop. Then they go. I just sit and think of Michelangelo.

A clown stopped by. He and his tall friend made quite the entertaining pair. Impressed I decided to stare. I saw under the mask a dark indifference tinged with whimsy. The best attention I get is often unsolicited.

Slouching home with no burden left to bear. Pawing my emotions like spiderwebs in a tomb. He takes joy in my lack of composure. Enlarged heads all around. I know what I want. I’m coming to peace with not having it. But I won’t hide the desire in my face.

Depression

I hate the condescending nature of anti-depressant commercials. Most of them have somber-looking middle age white women with plaintive eyes reciting “depression is serious medical condition”. Then a soft, nurturing male voice calmly explains that these pills will balance your brain juices so you don’t feel tired or stressed out anymore.

It’s okay. This is something you can’t change.
It’s out of your control. Take these.
It’s like a diabetic taking insulin. Nothing to be ashamed of.
Soon you’ll be normal. Everyone will like you.  Continue reading Depression

Raise the Bar

You don’t see me
Over here silently
Waiting for a chance
Maybe to pounce
Ready to bounce
Find a place to dance

My voice not heard
Gluttonous herd
Ever encroaching swell
Egotistical horizon
Only visible to some
Provide stories to tell

A seat at the bar
Lest I feel bizarre
Caught in a stare
Tolerating smoke
Accepting of folk
Drowning in care

Taste in a touch
Wanted so much
I wonder if you’re real
No need to check
What to expect
Our unspoken deal

Urges build inside
Desires stoutly denied
Pains remain unlearned
Enjoy simply the urge
Slowly building courage
Best rewards as yet earned

XCOM 1.5

XCOM: Enemy Unknown is something I only noticed vicariously.  I got more excited about Starcraft II and the Tomb Raider reboots.  I also picked up Civilization V around 2012, another addiction of mine.  My husband-at-the-time kept trying to tell me how much I’d like the XCOM games but it wasn’t until I met Jerry at PAX this past September that I took any notice of the game.  The very next weekend it was on sale for a pittance and I indulged myself with a new vidyah game.  At this point I enjoy XCOM: Enemy Within more than Terraria… where I’ve logged 400+ hours with no regret.  Continue reading XCOM 1.5