A few months ago, I met a boy. He was handsome, kind and completely infatuated with me. A surplus of free time and unwise spending habits ensconced us in a romantic shell of speculative dreams. My unfettered joy for life is intoxicating thing to be around and I’m very aware of it. I often reminded him that his feelings are temporary and I have no plans to be anyone’s girlfriend. Not dissuaded, he continued to spend time with me as often as possible and make overtures to our future happiness. Continue reading Solidly Integral
Category Archives: Stories
Pride
The Seattle Pride march happens this month and I don’t think I can make it. I don’t having anything to be proud of. I have the look and I have the attitude. I’m lacking any substance. Resembling a cliche doesn’t fill you with all its nougat-y goodness. The culture I discovered last month has a number of factions that would like my attention. Chomping at the bit over what method of destruction I will choose the stench of fresh meat draws the attention of most predators. The advantage I showed up with is not so easily falling sway. Continue reading Pride
Puppies!
Monetarily I’ve gotten much more than $40 worth of parties out of my CSPC AYCE card. It’s impossible to do everything and actually enjoy myself so I chose carefully. The Unleashed! party, held as a fundraiser for SEA-PAH, is the most revealing experience I’ve had and worth far more than the $10 donation. I went into the party mostly ignorant but optimistic. As Brad Pitt says, I like dags. Continue reading Puppies!
Self Ignorance
Keeping my mouth shut is a learned skill. I didn’t cultivate it until my 30s due to self ignorance, the opposite of self awareness. Before that, the main source of information on who I am was my parents. My mother especially has opinions about who I should be. The real problem is how long I spent trying to make them happy. If I’d adopted any accountability for my existence back then who knows what kind of bad decisions I could have made. Oh, the gutters I could have woken up in! Now my choices are tempered by maturity and cynicism. I stay quiet and avoid mistakes with patience most of the time. It’s slow work but remaining self aware keeps me in touch with the ultimate goal – happiness. Continue reading Self Ignorance
Art Lover
While working at a small custom frame shop in my mid-20s I answered to an honest, hard-working butch lesbian. The actual owner of the business was an upper-middle class nouveau riche mama’s boy with unresolved homoerotic daddy issues. Somehow, the two formed a dysfunctional symbiotic parental unit that kept the shop running on an even keel. I loved the women in that building like sisters and felt more at home there than with my family, for the most part. Making $8.50 an hour in Memphis, TN was pretty decent and I could do that job in my sleep. A fine place to sit idle and figure out some priorities. Continue reading Art Lover
Leather Hairdresser
I’m glad I waited for the real thing. Continue reading Leather Hairdresser
Bryn Kitty
It’s been the three of us since 2001. I adopted Maya from the Forrest Hill vet clinic where I worked after deciding not to continue at Bryn Mawr. She’s maya koshka. Working two full-time jobs, I left home for up to 18 hours some days. Her response to that is explosive diarrhea. So I went to the Humane Society in midtown Memphis and adopted a 6-month old kitten to keep my cat company.
Sitting in the room of adoptable cats and kittens, I cast about for the right choice. Softly clucking and petting every furry thing in front of me, one particular kitten kept following me about the room mewing. When I’d sit down with a prospective cat she literally pushed into my lap every time. Bryn clearly chose me as her person and was not having it any other way. I relented quickly, of course.
Arriving home with a second cat, Maya walks straight up to us and let’s out an open-mouth hiss. Bryn pulls back with wide eyes, equally startled and confused by this greeting. She carefully noses forward as Maya crouches low, flattening her ears. Curious, Bryn puts her paw out to poke the beast. A rumbling growl and Maya pounces. One short tussle before they tear across the room, Bryn chasing Maya. 5 minutes later they are aggressively grooming each other. Sisters ever since.
Bryn has always loved affection, giving and receiving. She sleeps next to my pillow or under the covers and can wake me up just by staring intently at my face. She will follow you into the bathroom if you don’t close the door completely because she likes a captive audience. When living with dogs she never took their shit and even taught Ziva how to wrestle.
Bryn kitty is in end stage renal failure. There’s not much to do but make her comfortable. Eventually the stuff her kidneys aren’t filtering will make her too sick to eat. That’s when it’s time. I don’t know when that will be.
Scary Acronyms
I might have chlamydia. It’s a long shot but I take every possibility seriously. Almost anything is true if you consider every timeline. More importantly, it’s true for one of my partners and that sucks for him. Some of his other partners are less than pleased and not shy about voicing disapproval. I’m a mature, well-informed person with an incredibly dark sense of humor. My basic response is no big deal, it can happen to any of us. For me, there are essentially three levels of STDs in America – Curable, Treatable and Oh Fuck. Continue reading Scary Acronyms
In Her Piece
Visiting the CSPC yesterday, I felt introspective. The exhilaration of last week comes with inevitable wear and tear. Fortunately, this isn’t my first rodeo and I listen to the warnings my body gives me. Skipping the party Saturday and giving an erotic massage Sunday helped me recharge slightly. The satisfaction of making someone feel pleasure, especially when they are new to the sensation, is something I enjoy when feeling drained. Not all gratification is related to orgasms. Continue reading In Her Piece