I’m throwing my own birthday party this year. Sunday September 6 @ the P&H. Come celebrate the impending end of Summer by rocking your face off with great local music. 5$ cover – Be Nice Or Leave. Continue reading Puh Arty
Category Archives: Places
Sharing Loneliness (a sonnet)
Seeking comfort in solitude is like
Relaxing in a swamp. Sinking into
The universal spirit only few
Share openly. Mind an unwinding spike
Enjoying oneness amid Nature’s Reich
Beautiful insignificant breakthrough.
Super and the ego open anew
The id savoring a odd hunger strike.
Eyes open, lying awake, still in bed
Hand inattentively petting the cat.
Letting thoughts pool at the back of my head.
Less often contemplated on my back
Loneliness is shared by a common thread
Commonly woven through a welcome mat.
Boxes
Compartments
with thin walls
Flowing together
into Mountains.
Safety in the hills.
Cells
of cardboard.
Keeping together
a body of work
Resting fetus-like
Waiting for enough
Gestation.
Rooms
in a row of homes.
More used the better
because I can’t
have nice things.
Durability makes
Antiques.
Cubicles
in a maze
with no cheese.
Footsore and weary
Limbs aching
Strained. FullRelaxation
Rare.
Lost & Found
The most painful thing I’ve ever heard is a stranger’s casual observation. After pouring out my feelings of worthlessness and despair in group therapy a 22-year old states, “It sounds like you’re just playing the victim.”
I didn’t stop crying for 3 hours. He’d seen straight to my problem, in a way. I am a victim. Attempting to play as NOT a victim has colored most of my social behavior. I want to be perceived as strong and in my world that means not complaining.
A lifetime of trying to please other people conditioned me well. I can take a lot of abuse. Fighting every instinct to do things my way, I based my decisions on someone else’s moral compass. Selfish people are not good role models.
That is, the conservation of my self is my only defense. Just get through it. I found a number of allies along the way and my undying loyalty to friends preserved the most important people. I had to let myself go a little crazy just to break the carbonite encasing my inner artist. Now I’m leaking personality all over the place and have faith in the universe and everything. Go with the flow.
I’ll miss some things. Nothing that obvious. The truth is, I’m pretty spectacular. No one can make me feel otherwise unless I let them. Thanks Eleanor. Is rejecting an abusive matriarchy part of becoming a feminist? Maybe I’m just multitasking my recovery.
Fashion Holes
If it’s possible, I will get a series of strategic body piercings I’m able to attach clothing to. Then I will custom drape everything I wear based on my mood and the occasion.
If people hang themselves from hooks, this must already be a thing. Right?
I Just Work Here
Living in the present is contradicted when working a day job. Some of us are lucky to find moderately fulfilling employment early on. Alas, no matter how great the situation, it’s still work. I’m sure there are days when even the Crocodile Hunter wanted to just sleep in. The goal isn’t a job to love. It’s finding a purpose that isn’t simultaneously soul-crushing. Continue reading I Just Work Here
Grave Rolling
In seventh grade, I sprouted breasts. In the eighth grade, the most eligible boy in my class wanted to go steady with me. I was so excited. My mom and I didn’t relate on much so the scoring of high quality boy attention was prime pre-Prime Time TV conversation.
Mom, can I go to the movies this weekend?
Who with?
Lou.
Lou?
Yeah.
Oh, honey.
What?
You can’t go out with him.
Why not?
You’ll give Pappy a heart attack.
Red Dress
Look out, she’s got the red dress on. The dress I wear when I don’t give a fuck. My clothes meant for the Emperor lost in translation.
So many feats of architechture, illusion, smoke… covering up the natural beauty being. Just be. It’s not good or bad. Don’t ask if the dress makes you look fat – ask if it makes you feel good.
Too much ego is bad for the spine.
Dead Inside
These squinty eyes of mine. They may look glassy. My expression one of cow-brained ignorance.
That’s just what I look like when I can’t hear.
Sometimes the chaos around me is so loud I can’t take it anymore. I just let all noise wash over me and fight my urge to fly.
I want to be there. I want to engage. At some point
the centre cannot hold.
Read the book An Unquiet Mind. There are revelations there.
I’m going back in. See ya on the flip side.