My work situation is frustrating enough I’m talking to strangers about it. I have a strange compulsion to organize everything around me. Not because the disarray bothers me but because I know it will ease the work of others. Watching someone try to cross a bridge that’s poorly made makes me want to build a better bridge so I won’t have to worry anymore. I know the simpler solution is to not care in general but I just can’t seem to do that. Continue reading The Office
I want to assert myself to an almost abusive degree. I’m honestly worried I’d hurt someone if I let myself give in to certain urges. It’s likely there’s a pink slime river of rage running deep inside me and it’s going to explode out of my pores one day. Until then I keep reserving myself. Once unleashed, my anger is going to consume me and everything around me like a metaphysical atom bomb. That sort of thing must be used wisely. Continue reading Domination
I’m reading the The Help at work and it’s making me homesick. I’m often surrounded by a group of individuals who believe the attitudes portrayed in that story are from ancient times. They have never witnessed that type of behavior outside of news stories and performance art. I still fondly remember my grandmother’s black maid Dorothy and the role she played in my family. My grandparents were truly from another era and they weren’t bad people. Their life-long employee got job security and a pretty decent retirement plan. More than I’m getting out my current employment opportunities. Continue reading My Secret
My tone is a bit didactic. It’s why strangers assume I’m in a position of authority. It’s why I make a great tour guide. It also seems to be why people don’t like being around me. I can sound like a lecture when I’m just expressing my thoughts. This is confusing for me because my worldview is based on the assumption I don’t matter. That’s not a fish hatchery for compliments – I just accept in the greater scheme of things most of us are fairly insignificant. I feel like I’m the person that is mentioned in history books as an early influence of someone that really makes a difference. And that’s good enough for me. I don’t think the world can completely change in my lifetime. I do think my existence proves change is coming. I probably would’ve been a civil rights activist in an earlier life. Continue reading Unsolicited
I’m having a problem with reality. I can’t tell if I’m in it or just watching it. I feel like I’m having a conversation with someone only to find out they can’t hear me. Or aren’t listening. Either way I’m definitely talking to myself. Sometimes it goes on so long I wonder if anyone can hear me. I’ll look around and try to decided if anyone can see me. I used to crave the anonymity I’m currently swathed in. All of the assumptions people make about me currently are based on what they see. That’s improvement, trust me. Where I came from most people made their assumptions based on what they’d heard. Continue reading 3,2,4,1,5,6,Switch!
Human nature never ceases to amaze me. Invisibility has an upside from a research perspective. Witnessing some of the things in my past would make millennials cry. I didn’t worry about the dreaded Freeze after my first few months here. Seattle is one of the greatest choices I’ve ever made and I’m pretty sure she feels the same way. By the end of spring I fit in with most of the natives. It’s ironic I didn’t encounter The Freeze until August. Reaching maturity is a tricky thing. We all get there at different times, in different ways. Continue reading Genius
Being there to watch a phenomenon isn’t that impressive. In the new phone culture, there’s a fascination with being the person that filmed something. I can feel the same compulsion at times, despite not excelling at visual arts. When I take a picture or grab a video there is always a little bit of me wondering if I’m capturing history. Granted, some of my subject matter holds more potential than others. When it comes to being a witness, I’ve found the events worth capturing on film aren’t the ones you can wait around for. Or maybe telling stories is my consolation prize for lacking dedication to photography.
The biggest challenge of being there is having patience to know the right move when you see it. Right place, right time. With good timing and fearlessness you can seize the day by it’s scrawny little throat before thinking messes you up. These days, by the time I realize I’m nervous I’m already elbow deep in whatever project. Too late to turn back and quitting isn’t an option. Just keep turning with the wheel until you get another chance at the center. Enjoy the stillness of that moment and then get ready to start moving again.
I had an interview with a recreational cannabis company today. I believe it went well. I have no reason to believe I’ll get the job but I don’t think I made a fool of myself. Small victories. Continue reading Pot Shoppin’
I once had a girl mad at me because I don’t make eye contact when I talk to her. In her eyes, I was being dismissive and rude. I told her in my world eye contact is considered a challenge. That’s when I realized I am part dog and I learned everything I know about nonverbal communication from canine culture. She took my submission as an offense which still confuses me. When I explained how things work in a pack environment she thought I was being intentionally obtuse. Continue reading Assertion