Who else hears Juliette Lewis’s voice from Natural Born Killers every time they hear that phrase? Continue reading Are You Flirting With Me?
Category Archives: Random
FFS
It’s women like you that defeat my entire purpose. I’m fighting to prove it isn’t about gender and you use your femininity as a weapon. Shielding yourself behind an army of insipid friends and lovers, wrapped in narcissistic insecurity. Only interacting with people that coddle you doesn’t make you an introvert. Just a child. Nursing old pain like a war wound, your bitterness is Shakespearean with unnecessary drama. Bad news, we’ve all been hurt. We are all jaded and bitter. The difference is, I don’t let it stop me. Continue reading FFS
Election Remorse
Our voices are more important than ever. If you have something to say, speak loudly. If you don’t then please just stop and listen. Unify the message and support each other. The space between our differences is where the fractures start. The split interests of the Democrats is arguably what allowed this shit to happen. Personally, I consider this election inconvertible proof that you can buy anything in this country. And if someone with more money comes along he can take it away.
Stop demonizing the “white man” and remember that appearances aren’t what matter. Actions do. Take action by educating yourself. Discover the real demons living among you. Don’t tolerate hate. Don’t laugh at crude, easy jokes. Witness the struggle on a daily basis and try to be patient. Our position in the battle has changed. Preserving the progress we’ve made is a victory. It feels like standing still after all this forward momentum but not losing ground is the goal now. That’s how wars work.
Good Neighbors
I knock so gently there’s barely a noise. I fiddle with the belt on my long jacket, a bulging knot of thread where seams meet is starting to fray. I notice things like that when I’m nervous. I kinda wish I’d taken a pain pill earlier. I’d be more relaxed but it’s been over 6 days since my last one. The longest I’ve gone this year is 14 days. That was back when I had a job and steady income. The pain started to seem worth it for once. I slept more, drank less. Felt like I finally had wind beneath my wings. I wasn’t prepared for my first summer job in a port city. Continue reading Good Neighbors
Anger Issues
I’m not quick to anger. I’m whatever the opposite of that is. I cower in the face of strong emotion, head between my knees waiting for the event to end. I react so strongly to perceived violence I once started crying uncontrollably when I thought a cat in a movie had died. Without warning I suddenly feel everything with every cell in my body. The simplest solution is to shut down. I’ve felt my spirit break so many times I should put it on my resume. If I just stare straight ahead and don’t let anyone see me cry everything will work out, right? Continue reading Anger Issues
Racial Stereotype
Someone in Seattle finally explained why every Indian man I’ve tried to go on a date with treats me oddly. To clarify, I am not discussing skin color – just heritage. Amazonian imports that hail from actual Asia. My empirical observations reveal a significant pattern. A certain flavor of sexism I haven’t been exposed to since my youth. An assumption about my behavior based on how I dress. Apparently, in Indian culture Americans are seen as promiscuous and slutty. My body type and personal confidence only accentuate the stereotype. Continue reading Racial Stereotype
Please Say It’s Over
I experienced 3 moments of pure pleasure on Tuesday afternoon. None of them took more than 20 minutes each. For nearly 2 weeks I’ve been frustrated and sick at my stomach with stress. Sinking into a morass of depression there are times I literally panicked, taking xanex for the first time in months. I kept getting one-two punches of disappointment and could feel myself spiraling away from solid ground. Repeating, “This too shall pass,” I focused on baby steps to keep moving forward. Tuesday night felt like coming up for air thanks to this particular trine of gratification hitting me like a perfect storm. In this order – I ate tacos, had sex, and took a crap. Continue reading Please Say It’s Over
Overcautious
There’s a girl on Tinder I like. I want to message her but I don’t. I can already feel her rejection. Of course, it’s not real. She’s probably a nice, open-minded person just like me. Won’t judge on appearances and might even have empathy for me as a human. But then again, maybe she’s an asshole. The fact I find her attractive means I’ll be nervous, greatly increasing the chance that I’ll be the asshole. Really, it’s just safer to do nothing. Continue reading Overcautious
Parasitic
When I feel this way I know I’m leaking energy. Something’s not right in my flow and to “go with it” is rough on me. Knowing my own body, heart, mind and soul it’s easy to feel foreign things creeping in under the carpet. Insinuating themselves into my psyche, speaking when not spoken to. Chips on my shoulder, curving inward, biting my skin. I was a Carrier. Now I’m a rock. No desire to move anymore. A foundation so solid I’m gathering moss. I can sense the parasites more easily now. Continue reading Parasitic