Slightly better than a functional alcoholic, I’m a stoner yogi. Turns out old hippies are thin because eating isn’t as important once you’re enlightened. Or at least lightened. There’s an IPA on tap here called Bodhizafa. Some guy told me that’s a word for monks who achieve enlightenment but then choose to come back and share their wisdom with the rest of us. My immediate response, “Lazy bastards.” Moderately surprised, the guy asks for an explanation. And I tell him the secret, “Achieving enlightenment isn’t the hard part. Staying there is the trick. I’ve experienced zen at least half a dozen times in my short life. Keeping your mind there is the hard part. Those guys are full of shit – they who cannot do, teach.” Continue reading Losing My Religion
Category Archives: Reasons for Things
I’m Glad Hillary Didn’t Win
Contrarian by nature, this sentiment probably doesn’t surprise my friends. Just keep in mind, I was against Hillary running back in 2008. I wasn’t swayed by Bernie fever or decide to rally against Trump. I don’t think Hillary Clinton is a good choice for president of the United States. Just as much a criminal as our current president when it comes to shady financial dealings, she got a chance to meddle on the national level back in the 90s and has been stalking the presidency like a ticking crocodile ever since. That’s just the first reason I’m glad she didn’t win, chronologically speaking.
Continue reading I’m Glad Hillary Didn’t Win
How To Leave Home
The key to my sanity is not using Facebook for anything substantial. I didn’t have one until 2014 and only created it for professional purposes. After leaving Memphis, I discovered the network’s draw in a whole new way. A deep connection to Facebook blurs reality and interpreting anything through the lens of etiquette established on the internet is risky at best. Facebook especially seems to have an elaborate set of rules about communication and privacy to the degree my own mother’s feelings are hurt when I don’t accept her friend request. Apparently sharing a blood supply isn’t a reassuring enough relationship. Continue reading How To Leave Home
Separation
In high school, my boyfriend was my best friend and refuge from a world I don’t understand. We knew from the outset our relationship would end when we left for college. The idea of going to the same school didn’t even come up for discussion. One of the reasons our relationship worked is because of the expiration date. Knowing we weren’t together forever was the pressure valve on any disagreement. We stood by each other dreaming of different futures and were content for the company. Neither of us saw a future in Memphis and pretending otherwise was silly. Continue reading Separation
The New Godzilla
If I hear anyone talk about seeing a new Godzilla movie, I immediately lose respect. Nothing about any Godzilla movie is ever new. It’s all the same terrorific drama in a different sequence. I believed the tiny Japanese scientists just as much as Matthew Broderick. The most innovative thing a Godzilla movie ever did was battle Mothra. Or something. I’m not sure if I’m jealous of their ignorance or bliss. Continue reading The New Godzilla
My Sanity
I’m the first to admit I’m crazy. I try to spin it in a lovable way, letting my mania envelope friends in fun most of the time. I don’t have any enemies I know of and can speak my mind with most people. Despite efforts to remain considerate I can’t control how people receive my bounty. The type of energy I deal with has a lot to do with location. Proximity, elevation, latitude, orbits – I consider multiple factors when making important decisions. As a result, I feel my choices are grounded. Time elapses, I eventually say what I’m thinking. Continue reading My Sanity
Eagerness
Upon divorcing, I changed my entire approach to dating. I used to go for what I want fairly directly without many complaints. My opening of, “Hey, I want you,” generally followed with “Uhm, okay.” Hardly resounding enthusiasm but I didn’t really require that. Generally my hapless victim hung around until I wanted something different, usually 3 to 6 months later. Serial monogamy is what they call it. Sometimes, significant bonds formed and losses were painful. That never stopped me from moving on. I didn’t feel capricious because I thought that was dating. In hindsight, I call it coping. Continue reading Eagerness
Nonviolent Civil Disobedience
I bear you no ill will. That doesn’t mean I have to be nice. Courtesy is taught with an assumption it will be reciprocated or, at least, appreciated. Times have changed and what was once considered refined has faded into hollow ceremony with, at worst, an air of pretension. The seedy underside of politeness is conversations whispered in corners and behind closed doors. The need to be vulgar and honest perseveres no matter how kind a person is on the exterior. Gossip and judgement are part of basic human nature and shouldn’t be ignored. Flatly declaring opinions wrong is where subversive bigotry breeds. Continue reading Nonviolent Civil Disobedience
Umbrellas
I’ve never been fond of umbrellas. Navigating rain in Memphis meant getting to and from a car at varying distances from buildings. Almost none of the places I frequent require anything but a hop, skip or jump from my car door. Opening and closing an umbrella was more annoying than useful. Out here in Seattle, I often see value in a miniature shelter. When you’re waiting at the same uncovered bus stop every morning, or walking a mile to reach said bus stop, there’s great reason to having an umbrella on hand. Just like driving your own car is more convenient. However, there’s a point where you need to park the umbrella and commute like the rest of us. Continue reading Umbrellas