Category Archives: Reasons for Things

Well thought-out posts and in-depth observations. Warning: may contain extensive abstract thought.

In Her Piece

Art, Daily Life, Future Plans, mur, Quick Thoughts, Rants, Reasons for Things, Stories

Visiting the CSPC yesterday, I felt introspective. The exhilaration of last week comes with inevitable wear and tear. Fortunately, this isn’t my first rodeo and I listen to the warnings my body gives me. Skipping the party Saturday and giving an erotic massage Sunday helped me recharge slightly. The satisfaction of making someone feel pleasure, especially when they are new to the sensation, is something I enjoy when feeling drained. Not all gratification is related to orgasms.  Continue reading In Her Piece →

Sexual Repression

Art, Daily Life, First Impressions, mur, Reasons for Things, Stories

I didn’t know what the term slut-shaming really meant until yesterday.  Hearing the phrase doesn’t sum up the internal burden of secretly loving sex my whole life.  In Seattle, I can just say, “I’m from the South,” and most people nod in commiseration.  I could detail my specific self-loathing or recall the flavor of bitter I taste but wallowing is self pity isn’t my thing.  I’m happy to know myself enough to be here and look forward to the future.  Continue reading Sexual Repression →

What I Want

Daily Life, First Impressions, mur, Quick Thoughts, Reasons for Things, Stories

The last time I was properly spanked, I didn’t see it coming. My friend actually listened when I nostalgically reminisced I hadn’t had a good spanking in a very long time. There’s an art to sexually charged spanking that not all people can master. My last spanking was a pleasant coincidence of empathy and intimacy. A magical reminder of something I was missing.  A beautiful moment with a good friend.

My daddy issues aside, spanking puts me into a submissive mode. I relish the attention required to sense pleasure in the pain. Attempts to interpret my screams, testing my limits gradually. A gentle caress or teasing word at the right moment is relaxing. It doesn’t take long before I’m dripping wet.  In expert style, he finishes with a sharp bite on my ass cheek and cuddles me onto the mattress.

Right before the bite, he commanded me to tell him what I want.  I couldn’t.  I didn’t know what I wanted.  My voice squeaked and I physically clammed up.  He sensed my distress and finished promptly.  Spared me the drama of using the safe word, especially since I was mute.  I was scared but not fearful.  Not having a voice is stressful in normal situations.  I’m fortunate to have such a loving friend in my life.

That episode is why I’m seeking out a sex positive environment.  The best way to get what you want is by asking.  I want to at least be able to ask, even if I don’t get what I want.  Of course, my recent experience indicates I’ll find things I didn’t even know to look for.  I’m going to a singles party tonight and get to discover what edge play is like.

The Truth About Hillary

mur, Quick Thoughts, Rants, Reasons for Things

Face it. 8 years ago, she backed down and Obama became the Democratic nominee. If we learned anything during the previous Clinton era it’s that she’s a savvy businesswoman. I have no doubt she worked out a clause guaranteeing her nomination after he’s done. She’s arrogant enough, she might have even thought he was a 1-term president. That’s why she bothered with Secretary of State.

Thing is, she didn’t expect Bernie. He’s also savvy.  I believe he saw the chance coming long before acting on it. The chaotic vacuum left by such an influential time is unmistakable.  We the people are ripe for political revolution.  If it’s not this election, it will be the next one.  An old, white man saying all the right things is the last thing anyone expected, honestly.  If Bernie had tits there wouldn’t even be a contest.

A comically bad show by the Republican party only accentuates the importance of the Democratic nomination. Such a poor show in fact, I believe Hillary got drunk and dared Trump to run. Just for shits and giggles. I mean, what better role for a reality TV actor than playing himself in real life? It’s gotten so far out of hand I won’t be surprised if he accidentally wins the whole damn race.

Seriously people. We have a chance to do something more epic than electing a black man president. Let Hillary and Trump duke it out on the red vs blue stage. Then we can all join together and vote for a third color. A viable 3rd party showing in the race for President of the United States is actually worth a Nobel Prize. America is suffocating because this nation is not a dichotomy. Our ruling body should have at least 3 dimensions by now. Even if Bernie doesn’t win.

Exhibitionist

mur, Quick Thoughts, Random, Reasons for Things, Stories

In college, I was known for having loud sex.  Frequently.  No one in the dorm mentioned anything to me.  I found out when my dorm-mates complained to other people on campus.  I feel embarrassed that I annoyed people unnecessarily because I’m usually quite polite.  To this day I wonder why no one asked me to keep it down.  When watching a loud television they’d ask me to lower the volume.  If I blasted my stereo the complaints would be almost immediate.  I realize sex is a touchy subject but the sounds I make are just noise.  Thick, luxurious noise.

My working theory is they enjoyed the show too much to turn it off.  Kind of sad really.  I was the most entertaining person in the building.  I only dated 3 different men the whole time I was there, so things could get creative.  At the end of that year, someone left a book titled “Sex Ettiquette” and some lube outside my door as a prank.  Joke’s on them because that’s when I discovered the joys of DP.  I hope those girls went on to find their own sex to enjoy.  I’m still enjoying mine at a loud volume.

Nightmare!

Daily Life, mur, Reasons for Things, Stories

Trapped in the front room of my grandparents house in Nashville, I’m aware people are getting ready to leave.  The family gathering is almost over and I’m tense.  I told my family what I really think and can’t communicate with them anymore.  There’s still love in the house but not warm feelings.  When I try to speak the only phrases I can say are leave me alone, go to hell, fuck off and I hate you.  A clear scale of the same feeling.

I hear a scritching sound coming from underneath the couch.  Searching it out I discover a giant black rat.  He bites me and I don’t flinch so he settles calmly into my possession.  My mother tells me I have to kill the rat.  I know why she says that but I don’t agree.  Killing is wrong.  I offer the rat to a snake and they find a way to mutually exist.  That’s when I find the smaller brown female rate.  Her bites are smaller and don’t hurt as much but she gnaws persistently until I flinch.  The female rat is never fully comfortable with my presence.

It’s time to leave and there are only two cars.  I insist I won’t survive the trip if I have to be in the same car as my family.  My mother refuses to leave me alone and my father dislikes the impracticality of a 4 to 1 division of the group.  I admit that my sisters are welcome to ride with me but I’m driving.  No one is happy with that.  I haven’t told anyone about the rats I plan to stow away with me.  Doesn’t matter that much because they keep escaping every container I try to keep them in.  The rats have no interest in a car ride at all.

When I finally go to pack my things I discover a baby rosy boa near the kitchen.  The tiny thing bites me but I can’t feel it.  Snakes don’t care if you flinch.  Putting the reptile in a large clear bag, I bring it with me to the car.  Now that there’s a snake riding with me the only person willing to get in the car is my younger sister.  Checking Facebook before we leave I see that my friend posted a picture of his father.  I read that his dad died the night before and I start bawling.  I can’t hide the pain I feel and my family asks why I care so much.

Then I woke up.

It Ends With Me

Art, Book, mur, Reasons for Things, Stories

I chose not to have a baby.  It’s a decision I’ve wrestled with most of my life.  Having children is an expectation in my family.  Fortunately, I recognize my own flaws and would never inflict my existence on a non-consenting child.  Not to mention how much medication it takes to keep me sane.  Most importantly though – I don’t want to continue the cycle of insecurity and emotional abuse I witnessed in my own upbringing.  So when my loving, long-term boyfriend Tim impregnates me, I schedule the abortion exactly 8 weeks from the day of conception.  I choose not to have the baby because of my gut.    Continue reading It Ends With Me →

Collateral Damage

Art, Book, Daily Life, mur, Rants, Reasons for Things, Stories

Where I came from, pot smoking is as illegal as heroin selling.  I’m not talking about Memphis (for once).  In the 90s, I was a teenager.  Growing up as the target during the War on Drugs wreaked havoc on my psyche.  I wasn’t anywhere near the drugs themselves but honestly, I have PTSD anyway.  America was so thorough during that war they not only attacked people using drugs but made sure to inoculate demographics that might use drugs.  Continue reading Collateral Damage →

Orificexual

Art, Book, mur, Reasons for Things, Stories

“Have you ever been with a woman,” Dan asks.
“I’ve had intimate encounters with women but nothing I’d call sex,” I reply carefully.
“How do you define sex?”  Continue reading Orificexual →