As I’d learn, he was my excuse for not wanting to go home. The boys in my life are traditionally buffers against the women who hate me. Not literally, but that’s the sum of it. My father never protected me from my mother so I look for solace in the dominant male presence. I know they have the ability to cut down inflated female egos, especially when they are pretty. I can cut down a bitch in the mean way. The don’t-get-back-up way. Continue reading
I’m a seed. That’s what I’ve learned. I’m a seed that’s been planted in Seattle. I’ve taken root. I’m in a spot I can maintain, at least for now. Even more than that, I have garden space to plant more seeds. Enough room to house someone I really like. Though, not many people fit that description. But if that someone wanted to give Seattle a go, I’ve got a place to temporarily house them. Most of the people I like could even get a job at the Space Needle. To start, at least.
Right now this list only has one person on it. They know who they are. Continue reading You must be Trippin
I woke up with the taste of bile in my throat. My dreams were full of me choking and hacking, vomiting repeatedly. I was back in my parents’ house for a big family gathering. Smiling and done up business casual I excused myself repeatedly for emetic purposes. No one really noticed or cared. Parties like that are just collections of uncomfortable people waiting it out. I could traipse through the living room dressed as Dr. Frank N. Furter and the most reaction would be nervous giggles with an occasional, “Oh my!” What’s worse, almost no one would get the reference. Continue reading Morning Revelry
What’s a Brazilian?
“It’s where they use wax to remove all the hair around all the sensitive things down there,” I say, gesturing at my crotch.
Oh
“Oh, I totally recommend getting one.” I assure her, “It’s just like skydiving. Try it once. You’ll either love it and want to do it forever or think it’s nice and never want to do it again.”
I found this little nugget of self awareness from 2007. Originally I had written a note to a friend that I believed would think less of me for having an abortion. She and her husband tried to conceive for over a decade before finally carrying a baby to term. My self-hatred was at dangerous levels from being depressed for most of my adult life. In the end, misguided emotions can still yield positive results. That “friend” turned out to be a manipulative egomaniac, so I deleted the part about asking her forgiveness.
Mostly, I want to share the part where I am just beginning to realize what kind of energy I have around me. I’m not blaming other people for my problems and I’m trying to find an outlet for my grief. The self I am now is just starting to stir in the darkness. I was still 2 years away from finding yoga and about 6 years shy of seeking therapy but at least I know I needed help. My depression was an insurmountable burden and here I’m still concerned with the comfort of others. I had so much to learn. Continue reading PC Dump – Okayabortion 8/20/2007
If someone wants attention, I hope they get it. I hear other complaining about unwanted attention. I hope all the people heaping this unwanted attention on the unwilling can be drawn away. Like a zombie hoard following a car alarm. The attention seeker needs to stay on the move to avoid getting mobbed. The key to maintaining popularity is a continually new audience. Just like Hollywood stars except calibrated to the level people actually warrant. Some people will be disappointed by the number of degenerates that still don’t find them interesting. Continue reading Advertising
Perhaps my favorite aspect of the kink community is the use of nonverbal signals to express what you’re into. From the simple choice of left versus right (dominant v submissive) all the way to a color coding that covers far more than 50 shades. Wristbands, handkerchiefs and jewelry all help send that special someone a clue about what you are looking for. Old etiquette is sparsely followed in today’s age of online narcissism but the foundation of the system still has merit. Continue reading Voluntary Flagging
Something to listen for:
If you tell someone, “I feel this way,” and their response is “You don’t really feel that way,” they are saying you don’t know what you want and they do.
If that’s true, they probably want to help you.
If it’s not true – don’t have conversations with that person anymore.
Only you can decide what’s true. Good luck.
It feels like I lined up a row of cars. Something expensive. Like Jaguars or Beamers. I lined them up while wearing white spandex bedazzled with jewels, bragging about how I can use this magical motor-bike to leap over them. Why cars? Why not jump spikes or sharks or alligators? Why is there an image burned in my mind of things soaring over vehicles to varying success? Obviously I watched the little boy cartoons in the morning. Continue reading Closure