The thing most people asked about with me moving to Seattle was, “Doesn’t it rain a lot there?” Continue reading Pouring
Category Archives: Rants
Bad Sex
Since I’ve been in Seattle, I’ve managed to get laid twice and not lose my independence. I think mostly just to see if I could. I view myself as somewhat asexual these days, so it’s always a surprise when someone wants that sort of thing from me. I tried to play coy for a few days but my desire for orgasms is very real. I figure why not have some fun, right? My misguided motivation is probably why things didn’t shape up that well. Sort of like instant karma. Continue reading Bad Sex
Amazon Prime, NOW!
There’s an app for Amazon Prime members that offers a 2-hour delivery service in your local area. It should be noted, the app is rated T for teen. Because getting shit without exerting effort is how teenagers generally view the world? More likely they are marketing young so there will be an entire generation of spoiled brats who don’t remember waiting more than an hour for anything. I think that sums up about how vital a service like this is for daily living. Then again, it’s available in my area and they deliver food from local restaurants. So yeah, I’ll probably use it.
The part I find most disturbing is the public opinion expressed through, what else, Amazon reviews. Hovering around 3.7 stars, the people that laud the idea with 5 stars (41%) are appropriately awed at how fast and convenient it all is. Then there’s the 1 stars reviewers (32%) that either complain it’s not available on laptops or bitch about “hidden fees”, like tipping the delivery person. I guess these people have never had anything delivered by a person ever? Just because Amazon is offering the service doesn’t mean the custom of tipping has been obliterated. As the adage goes: fast, cheap, good – choose two.
The fact it’s only available as a phone app (in opposed to accessible via web browser) makes sense to me and honestly seems like a blessing. This isn’t a service you should use for everything; having it available at all times can only facilitate more impulsive purchasing. Most Americans are more attached to their phones than their house keys and phone use is far more prevalent in the younger market, which they’ve already admitted to targeting. So in general, if typing on your phone is too annoying, maybe you’d prefer to walk down the street and pick up your own loaf of bread. No? Well then pull out your phone, thank the delivery person and don’t forget to tip!
How Much Again?
How do you handle sitting at the bar watching people leave one dollar on a 2-drink order? I feel like there should be an underground signal we use to identify these patrons. Non-tippers are the worst but under-tippers are their own kind of bad. If you don’t know why the convention is a dollar per drink then I’ll tell you this – it’s not generosity. It’s because that person just handed you a drink. Period. It’s the unspoken convenience charge for you getting to drink in public. Because here’s the truth – bars have a right not to serve you. And if it were my bar, I’d tell people who don’t tip my staff not to bother coming in again. I think denying service to bad customers would result in a better class of patronage. If you don’t have the money to tip, don’t go out. It’s that simple.
But this could all be fixed if we utilize my primary plan. Force all American children to work at least 3 months in the service industry at the age of 18. Not only would it create a more polite society but people would start to understand the value of getting food and drinks in a public place where they don’t have to lift a finger to make anything or clean up after anyone. An added benefit is that career servers and bartenders would have an endless source of intern-style proteges to do the things no one likes doing. Clean the bathrooms, take out the trash, do the dishes. You know, all the things your parents do for you as children. Who knows, this could spurn a whole new trend of respecting our elders too. It would certainly prepare more people for adulthood.
Can I run for office on a platform of a mandatory service draft?