Category Archives: Future Plans

My inspirations, missions, goals and future plans.

I’m Gonna Die

Book, Daily Life, Future Plans, mur, Quick Thoughts, Reasons for Things

As I traipse around Memphis with no car and very little energy I have one overwhelming thought running through my mind – Why did I do this? All of the things happening in my life sound like good things when you say them out loud.
“I’m moving to Seattle.”
“I visited the Grand Canyon.”
“I’m flying my cats home with me on Tuesday.”
The responses I get are unanimously encouraging because that’s how you react when someone does something massively life-changing. Unfortunately these platitudes are hollow as birthday wishes on Facebook. Most people are just thinly veiling jealous resentment or straight up apathy.

So I smile and let them tell me about their road trip or the time they visited the Canyon. All the while I’m repressing a constant state of panic that no one takes seriously. I spend my time keeping the quiver out of my voice and fighting back tears. I’m fully convinced that this venture is going to kill me. It’s the only logical answer to this much fear. I’m going to die in the pacific northwest.

No matter how great my fortune seems right now the cold hand of terror is gripping my chest. I can sense my own mortality and only the convention of human existence keeps me going. Those who have gone before me continually assure me I’ll be fine. I just ask them to recall the last time they voluntarily abandoned everything familiar to live completely alone with no solid plan for the future. The most common response is a knowing smile and pat on my shoulder.

I’m never gonna survive this life. But I’ll go down swinging.

Well, I’m here.

Daily Life, First Impressions, Future Plans, mur, Quick Thoughts

I’m going to be perpetually wet while I’m in Seattle. At least, that’s how it feels right now. The hills makes this an impossible bike city. I debate the walk scores I saw on Zillow too. The grade is so steep I’m literally leaning backwards to not fall. I will invest in some industrial galoshes. And drive if I want to wear heels. Sigh.

My first cafe is nice. It’s been so long since I’ve been near someone familiar I almost want to cry. Good thing I have a vacation to Memphis this weekend! I almost don’t miss the cats. Almost. Only because I can barely keep myself together. I feel drained and I can’t seem to find any balance.

The rain is letting up, time to get some food and toilet paper!

How To Leave Home

Book, Daily Life, Future Plans, mur, Random, Reasons for Things

I came up with the URL name on vacation in the PNW. I got invited to a pizza party at Penny Arcade and we turned it into a 4 day vacation. Dave took a picture of me at Discovery Park doing tree pose with the Sound in the background. I felt at home there. I wished for a step-by-step guide on leaving the place you’ve lived your whole life. On the flip side, I urgently needed advice on how to not leave Seattle. The name of this project – it felt right. I purchased a 3-year lease on the internet and set to work.  Continue reading How To Leave Home →

No Rest for the Weary

Book, Daily Life, Future Plans, Large Events, mur, Reasons for Things

I made the mistake of letting myself relax. I moved all of the furniture that matters to anyone. 90% of my things are either packed or thrown away. I even did laundry so all the clothes I pack are clean.  Continue reading No Rest for the Weary →

Going Away Party

Daily Life, Future Plans, Large Events, mur, Quick Thoughts, Reasons for Things

My official last day in Memphis is February 1st. I’m getting a tattoo (I hope) and then flying home the next day. By the time I say goodbye to Memphis I need to have something to turn towards. I’m facing West now, but it still feels a lifetime away. When I get on a plane with my cats and I have no more reasons to be in Memphis… I’ll probably cry a little.

Triumphant, I will only celebrate when there is truly a reason to do so.

My heart’s in San Francisco

Art, Daily Life, Future Plans, Quick Thoughts, Reasons for Things

I’m still in Memphis.
Have to be.
Planned to be.
Fear stopped yesterday
Belongings I’m keeping
Outnumber the rest
For the first time in years.
Exes are crossed
Unnecessary dots eyed
Boxes, soulless cubes
Labeled vaguely
Companions for the trip
Semblance of order
Compartmentalization
Compartment syndrome
To ease the pain
Of a lonely journey.
My heart arrives in Seattle tomorrow.
Furniture leaves Friday
I doubt I’m far behind.

Insurances

Daily Life, Future Plans, Quick Thoughts

I now have WA state car insurance, renter’s insurance and a AAA Premium Membership. I also have a year supply of contacts and 6 months supply of brain medicine.

If I could just start putting things in my car I’d be set.

Protagony

Art, Book, First Impressions, Future Plans, mur, Reasons for Things

I just now discovered which two voices in my head are the main characters in the story. A boy and a girl – obviously.

Grave

Art, Daily Life, Future Plans, mur

I’m done digging now.

I know from all the stories that I’m the villainess in this equation. I’m white, moneyed and getting what I want.

I have abandoned the only humans to show me any love. The other animals have the good sense to die.

The farther gone I am, the less I will feel this particular pain. The loneliness remains constant.

There aren’t enough pills in the world to fix what’s wrong with me. With luck, there are just enough in this bottle to finish me off.

98% chance I’m going to be just fine. Without Facebook, I’d say 100%, except no one could ever know.

Like I was never here.