Category Archives: First Impressions

Either my first time at a venue or my first time seeing a show. First impressions can be important.

Star Wars

Honest to gawd truth, I had no clue there was a new Star Wars movie coming out today. It’s a pretty insane concept considering my interests and friends, historically. It might be the most telling evidence of my change. I’m just not the person I used to be. Or I’m finally myself again. That part is still unclear.

Either way, my only personal affection for Star Wars is limited to Return of the Jedi. I remember experiencing a very base attraction to Mark Hamill as a young Jedi and an even baser attraction to Cary Fischer as a woman. She’s the first princess I ever identified with. Her way with Harrison Ford says it all.

Anyway, I’m really glad they are making this new trilogy. I’m even happier I don’t give a damn about it. I have zero investment. If it sucks, I’m not out anything. If it’s epic, I have that to look forward to. I’m pretty sure I’ll have time for Hollywood nonsense in another few years or so.

Unfiltered

Heavy and sweet
Syruping my throat
Bubbling my words
I croak with the effort
Attempting to make
An eloquent scene
Matching the feeling
My heart exudes
Chances to stare
Chalked up to cliche
Advantage, honor code.

The most glaring gaps
Are the simplest thing
Moments not shared
Sushi not eaten.
Shows not binged
Impulses not rewarded.
What hurts run deeper.
Habits accounted for
Mutually budgeted time
Comfortable ideologies
Pets only we share.

I consume less alone.
An unforeseen loss
Interest in longevity.
Lies always exist
Worming around corpses
Of first impressions.
Creating space inside
Filled with love, or pride.
Glaring ego glimmering
Over a tundra of feelings.
Freedom and expression
Can be mutually exclusive.

Gash: S&M Punk

I’m watching two sexy women salaciously roll around on top of each other in front of moderately attractive dudes playing hardcore music. There’s a submissive in the corner doing some strange form of masochistic yoga in-between songs/lashings. The mosh pit is a haze of beer, sweat and glitter.   There was a time I’d feel insecure even watching this show.  Now I’m wondering if I should join in.  I was offered glitter before the show by an Amazon in thigh-high black vinyl boots and a shiny rainbow bikini.  I politely refused while slowing inching away.  I’ve been glitter-free for almost a year now.  I’d like to keep it that way.

*****  Continue reading Gash: S&M Punk

XCOM 1.5

XCOM: Enemy Unknown is something I only noticed vicariously.  I got more excited about Starcraft II and the Tomb Raider reboots.  I also picked up Civilization V around 2012, another addiction of mine.  My husband-at-the-time kept trying to tell me how much I’d like the XCOM games but it wasn’t until I met Jerry at PAX this past September that I took any notice of the game.  The very next weekend it was on sale for a pittance and I indulged myself with a new vidyah game.  At this point I enjoy XCOM: Enemy Within more than Terraria… where I’ve logged 400+ hours with no regret.  Continue reading XCOM 1.5

Coming Out

I announced to a room full of strangers that I’m now a bisexual. Despite the flippant nature of my storytelling, I’ve wrestled with my attraction to women for quite a long time. Around 26 I figured that if I’m attracted to women, I would have noticed by then. So I wrote off my few trysts with girls as an occasional indulgence, like country music – fun sometimes, but nothing I’d introduce to my friends.

That was all before Carly.  Last week I fell into an impromptu Cards Against Humanity game.  Not my usual cup of tea, I joined a table of friends and strangers to whittle my time free time away.  My friend Tiffany is exceptional at inviting new people to join our reindeer games, so the starting table was me, Tiff, Tyler, Daniel, Bobby and six girls in their early 20s.  I expected some interesting results between the two factions.

The six girls introduced themselves.  All I distinctly remember is Amber, Carly, Jennifer (Jessica) and three other names that end in I’s or Y’s.  They were there to go see the 3rd Eye Blind concert across the street.  I’m still not sure what genre of music that is.  Judging by these girls, it’s not something I’d wait in line for.  Regardless, they established a reason to leave before even sitting down.  I didn’t expect a single one of them to last longer than 5 minutes.

The game started and each hand was met with varying results.  For those that don’t know, CAH is a game where one person reads a phrase and everyone submits an answer to finish the thought.  The person with the phrase then chooses the best answer.  Some cards are really gross or offensive while others could be logical answers to the phrase.  The chooser’s sense of humor has a real effect on the game and who “wins” each round.

My sense of humor tends toward the incredibly dark, so I especially expected this group of women to cringe at my choices.  Little did I know, the females at my table are more than they seem.  Carly and the friend next to her not only appreciated my humor but also chose my answers as the best.  I’m as shocked as you are.

You see, Carly is a thin, 21-year old blonde chick with a beautiful face and sexy curves.  She, and her friends, are a spitting image of the girls I went to high school with.  She looks like someone that just pledged a sorority as a legacy.  This gorgeous woman that could have her pick of the litter made it clear to everybody that her choice was me.  She repeatedly dropped hints that she’s a lesbian and that I’m her type.

I was so shocked I couldn’t speak.  I blushed and giggled and whispered to Tiffany how much I wanted to go for it.  I’d never had a woman that looks like THAT show interest in ME.  My entire stance on sexuality was challenged by the hot blonde sitting across the table.  At some point, we even devolved into to a game of Truth or Dare where Tiffany dared me to kiss her.

She was ready before I was.  Without even thinking my tongue was in her mouth and hers in mine.  I put my hand behind her head and immediately realized why anyone would ever want long hair.  She smelled like an exotic flower and tasted like spring water.  I would have kept going if she hadn’t stopped.  Deep in my chest I felt that spark that makes me want more.  I recognized a part of me that wanted to take her behind closed doors and do what it takes to make her moan.  I’m pretty certain she could reciprocate.

In the world today, I know it’s not a big deal for one girl to kiss another.  But in my world, where I’ve been consistently abused by the women I get anywhere close to – this is earth-shaking.  I can confidently admit to myself (and anyone that asks) that I’m attracted to women.  Apparently, I’m just very picky.

831

Cooper-Young is an epicly quaint place where post-retirement hippies & post-graduate hipsters form a swirling nexus of open minds, mostly-liberal principles and Association Fees.  Further north, the debauchery of Overton Square is lauded by every college student I’ve ever met.  This length of Cooper Street is than the gulf between freshman and senior year.    With The Roo supplementing our crumbling infrastructure, it’s the best place in Memphis to randomly find a good time.  Continue reading 831

mami chula

In this case, I don’t mind being objectified.

Continue reading mami chula

Social Gadflies

All relationships end, even the good ones.  Continue reading Social Gadflies

Pandora

I didn’t use Pandora until 2015. Just another casualty of my Luddite lifestyle. I probably would have enjoyed it the free days. Playing games with playlists just to see what effect they have on each other. My music taste is broad, but in my head it all fits together. Pandora’s algorithm only plays with the safe associations between artists and genres. I glom onto the sound of the music. After that it just comes down to performance quality.

A band that can’t play live loses my interest quickly. Musical talent is tactile to a point. I can feel it when I dance. I want to feel it when they play. I want to reach through the music and run my hands along the fingers creating that sound. I want to dance and sweat and feel the heat of passion when the music plays. Every sweaty hug I get after a good show just adds to the experience. I crave that tangible connection to the sound itself.

Of course, my thoughts and feelings are irrelevant until I’ve secured rights to my own vlog. So there’s always that.