Category Archives: Book

I’m Garbage

Art, Book, Daily Life, January 2017, mur, Quick Thoughts, Rants

There’s this person in my life. He’s giving me all the attention but none of the connection. I can pinpoint the moments that exemplify my feelings but doing that only sets up bottles for him to knock down. He’s mastered the art of getting his butt hurt when I say something non-complimentary. I just keep saying things with less and less compassion. As a people-pleaser, it’s safe for me to question the energy exchange in relationships. If I get the inkling I’m being used it’s generally egregious. Most of my vampires are obvious to everyone but me. If I’m looking at being alone or being used, I’m choosing alone. Continue reading I’m Garbage →

Nostalgia

Art, Book, Daily Life, First Impressions, mur, Reasons for Things

I have it written all over my face. I used to be pretty like a Disney princess. Big brown eyes, ample bosom and porcelain clear skin. I put a lot of stock in my appearance, more from people’s consistent reaction than any personal value. Being traditionally pretty has its advantages no matter what your actual flaws are. Pretty people are allowed more chances, shown more forgiveness and generally treated better by professional society. That’s why I like desperate people. They don’t give a damn what you look like.
Continue reading Nostalgia →

LaTanya

Art, Book, Daily Life, January 2017, mur, Reasons for Things, Stories

During X-ray school I was assigned to The Med for my first clinical rotation. As the closest level one trauma center for most of the mid-South, The Med’s x-ray department is notorious for its fast pace and extensive workload. Techs trained there are among the best in the city. I spent the entire first day practically shaking with anxiety. One of the techs took me under her wing to help assuage the intimidation factor. She introduced herself as Tanya but I soon learned her actual name is LaTanya. Posing the obvious question she replies, “Most people just hear the Tanya so I don’t bother with my whole name anymore.” Continue reading LaTanya →

Demons

Art, Book, Daily Life, January 2017, mur, Reasons for Things

Lennon said, “Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.” Yoga teaches us to live in the present. So I stopped making plans. My stress level went down and I stopped flaking on plans. There are demons inside of me actively trying to disrupt my life. The mere act of considering doing something wakes them up and their goal is to sap my energy. From doing yoga to making a date, any hint of motivation draws them out. They manifest as a small voice whispering in the back of my head. “You shouldn’t bother. It won’t work out anyway. You aren’t good enough to succeed.” Continue reading Demons →

Nice Shoes, Wanna Start Some Drama?

Art, Book, Daily Life, January 2017, mur, Reasons for Things

Television has us believe finding a mate is the primary goal in any person’s life. Every main character is  plagued by the burning desire to find a soul mate, no matter how well-balanced or successful they seem. Emotional security doesn’t exist in scripts until the requisite mate is found and procreation is initiated. Implications of happily ever after are casually tossed at the audience as two lovers fade into eternity. Despite painting a picture of fulfilling partnerships there’s a sinister reason media focuses so much on relationships – they want you to crave your own drama. It’s the driving force behind consumerism, among other things. Continue reading Nice Shoes, Wanna Start Some Drama? →

January 2017

Art, Book, Daily Life, First Impressions, Future Plans, January 2017, mur, Reasons for Things, Stories, Yoga

The days of trusting my gut are only beginning and no one can make me second guess those decisions anymore. Having a good time doesn’t happen in just one place. This artificial time delineation is the easiest to wrap my tiny human brain around. New Year’s Day feels fresher after all the parties instead of hungover, like the day after Halloween. For the next month I’ll do at least two things every day. Yoga and writing. Forcing my thoughts out into the open is the only way to flush out good ideas. The yoga is for my sanity. Continue reading January 2017 →

Real-Time Draft

Art, Book, Daily Life, mur, Quick Thoughts, Random, Stories

I am not always the hero in my story. That’s why I’m a writer. Wearing cliches as if the world’s a masquerade, I hide in plain sight most places I go. When ever in doubt, I carry a camera. The opening lines to everyone’s story start the same. I was a person in a place at a certain time. The more interesting you try to make it the less flexibility you have with details. Stick to the truth and there’s an endless supply of embellishments. Honesty means you have to tell the bad parts with the good. And believe me, the stories you don’t want to be honest about are the best ones to tell. Continue reading Real-Time Draft →

Hot Hot Hot

Book, Daily Life, mur, Quick Thoughts, Random, Reasons for Things

After less than a year living in Seattle I’ve accumulated more legit friends than I’ve ever had at one time. My lone wolfish quality makes it hard to keep more than one friend at a time. Especially since most of my friends are from such radically different areas of my life. My birthday parties usually involve half a dozen people that look more like a jury than a party. Fortunately my friends tend to be more open-minded and accepting than average humans. The best part about me is the people I know.  Continue reading Hot Hot Hot →

Worst Date

Book, Daily Life, mur, Random, Reasons for Things, Stories

I should stop being nice and just listen to my gut when it tells me not to go on a date. It’s a different feeling than just not wanting to go out. Part of being introverted involves feeling like your home is the only safe place on earth. Those days happen perpetually and can’t be predicted. Part of getting to know myself is discovering the line between anxiety and introversion. We all have layers of stress affecting our psyche in a myriad of ways. The only universal truth is that too much of it is bad. Continue reading Worst Date →