I have a Southern Lady inside of me. She’s a contrarian. That’s like being a white witch of sorts. Not in the Narnia sense so much as as the tribal medicine woman way. Urban white Memphians understand tribal culture more than most. It’s similar to what feeling like a minority is. Looking for a place to belong when we can’t get comfortable. Skin color is the only difference when you grow up in North Memphis. While the rest of the world tells you it isn’t. Continue reading Ready for Action
I moved rashly.
Minimalist planning,
One foot in front of the other
Baby Steps.
Choose a place, get there, survive.
One, two, three.
Every day I’m striving.
Struggling.
Turning to my gut
Finding strength as I make it.
Making ends meet
Meeting new friends
Determined to do it
Or die trying. Continue reading My Situation
It seems everyone wants to complain just as loudly when their time comes. Maybe even louder depending on how many of their principles are violated by the affront. I derive most of my optimism from ignorance, figuring the best way to avoid strife is to, well, avoid it. Don’t seek out drama in your free time. Plenty will find you on its own. The standard format of today’s media is to target the populace with whatever fears you’ll most likely react to. Even actively avoiding current events on the world stage only delays the inevitable. Which is better, watching a tragedy approach or getting blind-sided? Continue reading Moderation
I have it written all over my face. I used to be pretty like a Disney princess. Big brown eyes, ample bosom and porcelain clear skin. I put a lot of stock in my appearance, more from people’s consistent reaction than any personal value. Being traditionally pretty has its advantages no matter what your actual flaws are. Pretty people are allowed more chances, shown more forgiveness and generally treated better by professional society. That’s why I like desperate people. They don’t give a damn what you look like.
Continue reading Nostalgia
During X-ray school I was assigned to The Med for my first clinical rotation. As the closest level one trauma center for most of the mid-South, The Med’s x-ray department is notorious for its fast pace and extensive workload. Techs trained there are among the best in the city. I spent the entire first day practically shaking with anxiety. One of the techs took me under her wing to help assuage the intimidation factor. She introduced herself as Tanya but I soon learned her actual name is LaTanya. Posing the obvious question she replies, “Most people just hear the Tanya so I don’t bother with my whole name anymore.” Continue reading LaTanya
My concerted effort to stay single in 2016 was wildly successful. So successful in fact it looks like I’ll stay single for the rest of my life. I’ve forgotten what it feels like be casually affectionate. Can’t even seem to pet my cat right these days. I had a dream last night in a strange house where I neither lived or belonged. While visiting I found a little white puppy, 6-8 weeks old, a white color similar to false teeth and very happy to know me in particular. I asked if I could take the pup home and they said yes. I went down to my car to make sure I could get there with my new companion. Continue reading Puppy Fever
Lennon said, “Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.” Yoga teaches us to live in the present. So I stopped making plans. My stress level went down and I stopped flaking on plans. There are demons inside of me actively trying to disrupt my life. The mere act of considering doing something wakes them up and their goal is to sap my energy. From doing yoga to making a date, any hint of motivation draws them out. They manifest as a small voice whispering in the back of my head. “You shouldn’t bother. It won’t work out anyway. You aren’t good enough to succeed.” Continue reading Demons
Television has us believe finding a mate is the primary goal in any person’s life. Every main character is plagued by the burning desire to find a soul mate, no matter how well-balanced or successful they seem. Emotional security doesn’t exist in scripts until the requisite mate is found and procreation is initiated. Implications of happily ever after are casually tossed at the audience as two lovers fade into eternity. Despite painting a picture of fulfilling partnerships there’s a sinister reason media focuses so much on relationships – they want you to crave your own drama. It’s the driving force behind consumerism, among other things. Continue reading Nice Shoes, Wanna Start Some Drama?
I’d give up every potential love in my life just to have my dogs again. It’s not fair to experience the death of my children before my parents. All the associations I have with love come in 3 or 4-legged forms. Losing my first dog happened 2 weeks after my best friend killed himself. It might be projection but I’m pretty sure the dog’s death was harder to handle. He was younger and less in control of his fate. Wade chose to leave this plane of existence by his own hand. I don’t blame him, I also don’t have to like it. Continue reading Poor Me