Category Archives: Art

Indigo

The blue part of my throat
starts in my chest. I move through
the waves
of
thestartofsomething….

What I mean to say is I have trouble separating my throat from my chest. So much of what I feel is centered between my lungs. So much of what I say is drawn from that well of emotion sometimes I know I just shouldn’t speak.

I’m rarely speechless.

I remember a time when I was too young to know any better. I was told one lie and that changed everything. I’d been in a nest of integrity for so much longer … I didn’t know what being in a group feels like, but this was when I started to find my groups.

 

*Ahem*

I brought it back to the yoga today.  The trine of time, energy and intention conjoined an hour before work.  I did the 4 poses I need to ground myself.  My feet haven’t left the earth since.  The 15 minute savasana clicked everything in place.  I need that type of grounding with the moon getting all big and shiny like that.  I caught myself just in time.  The way I avoid trouble is making my own on a much smaller scale.  It’s entertaining and I’m remembering things that are important.  Like the yoga.  See, it works.

June 3

I can see that this will get older faster than I thought. Just like me and my cats. I can’t imagine what they must think of me. I got a picture of my #judgement cat earlier. There’s still love in those eyes.

Gripping freedom with white knuckles
Bear down and grit my teeth,
it’s easier if you don’t look back.

Might even prefer it from behind.

The lookers and the seers
convene at the same watering hole
All over the city and state

Doesn’t matter what color state

I flew a kite the other day
While becoming horizontal
And melting into the wet earth

Downward dog = stretching cat

Don’t believe me.
Go see for yourself.

Punk Steam?

I’ve had my Surface Pro for a little over nine months. Tonight, I realized I can install Steam on it.

I’m presented with a major dilemma here. I have missed the presence of games. Without help from an AV Club member, my home computer is primarily a television.

I might invest some time in my entertainment leading up to PAX.  For now, I’m gonna play the shit outta Tomb Raider.

Lara is a heroine I’ve admired since high school.  She’s the first playable female character I remember identifying with.  She is smart, sexy, not afraid to throw her back into a project, and, just like me in high school, over-sexualized.

I’ll never forget fighting wolves as a brave woman adventuring in dangerous places.  A badass, independent woman.  The early Tomb Raider games are mostly a blur.  I only played bits and pieces after the first one.  I signed on for the reboot in 2013 because of the opening scene trailer where she escapes from the cave.  The steady progression of writing, game mechanics and graphics promised good things.

Alas, I was raised in an NES household and couldn’t afford any game systems after age 17 anyway.  I dated a PS1 just long enough to discover Silent Hill partway through college.  It was epic.   That guy had a great dog too.

I’m excited to get my PC back for some RPG gaming.  Maybe catch up with Ms. Croft if I can find some dough.  There’s also the Wii I haven’t let go of.  Did I just unknowingly find a solution?  Ooo!  N64 games!

June 2

I have distinct opinions. I don’t always know what they are
but they are not hidden
For sho
That’s what makes my
brazen behavior feel so natural, even when it’s subtle.

I made a new friend
At least once.
I was even myself almost all day

The feeling that comes
from that
is fear more than anything.
it makes
the idea of getting close
sound uncomfortably out of place.
but that
is why I feel the swarm
of feelings
Stirring in my chest.

I want someone to hear my melody.

Is it still June 1st?

The idea is to do something different.
When everything’s already been done.
So I’m the same now. I’m spouting all of my bullshit onto a computer screen. Not on Facebook, at least.

I pretend no one reads this because that way I’m not disappointed. I’m happy. Nothing I love more than being right. Even when I’m wrong, I tend toward right. The same way you can get clean by not coming into contact with dirt.
If I grew up on the cusp of technological innovation why am I such a shitty typer.

Tada!

53 Miles West of Venus

I humbly request that the Time Warp Drive-In community honor me with their dubious favour…

In 2016
Please considerA tribute to Dan Aykroyd

My suggestion is Ghostbusters, The Great Outdoors, Blues Brothers, & Trading Places- in that order.  I’d love to see My Girl in there but that’s just my nostalgia speaking.

 

 

 

I can’t keep doing this

The formatting in WordPress sucks.

I need more time more fonts more colors more layout MORE MORE MORE MORE

 

but you get what you pay for.  and this is free.  Better than nothing.

There I go again….  all comparative and shit.  Comparative life.  Not good enough to be perfect.  Not cute enough to be loveable.

Just dark. I am the abyss.

I have another blog.  Shhhh, it’s a secret.  Hell, this blog is a secret.
If a writer clicks on a button that says Publish, is she an author?

Let’s play “Did you know?”

  • Nose spray is bad for you.  I know it feels good at first, but that is a trap.  Go get a neti pot and take a fucking allergy pill.
  • Your hearing does not last forever. Earplugs aren’t just for hipsters.
  • Sunglasses make you look cooler, no matter who you are.
  • Vaping makes you look like an asshole.
  • There are seriously women who don’t know if they’ve ever had an orgasm.
  • Your lymph system is a complex network of squishy trash chutes.  It’s powered by every movement you make – even just breathing!  If it sounds like I’m talking to a child then maybe you have an inner child that loves learning.  Let that kiddo loose.  Knowing useful stuff is what makes you great.  Feeling stuff makes you human.  What was I saying?

Oh yeah.  I’m too smart for my own good.

Blondes do indeed have more fun…

It’s been a wild ride, but I set the date last year.  Time to follow through.  I’m here.

I want to stop apologizing for who I am
I want the respect I deserve

I’m not going to back down or be bullied.

I HAVE BEEN PAYING ATTENTION THIS ENTIRE TIME.

I won’t apologize for the knowledge I’ve learned
I won’t apologize for the money spent on me
I won’t apologize for the attention
I don’t want any of it.  I have been here by contrition the entire time.  A silent part of a world I did not create.  I have played the game and now I’m winning.  People want me.  They want to be me.  The narcissism is too much to bear.

I’m not Karen Finley.  I’m not Joan of Arc.  I’m just trying to exist every day.  I want love.  I want comfort.  I want fulfillment.  I’m just like all of you.

Why am I different.

 

It’s not me.  It’s the people I know.  There’s this scene in a book I don’t remember the name of.  Men dance in a circle around one woman.  She is the center of the show.  They all have erections and each man ritualistically ejaculates into her.  This object.  A repository.  A vessel.  They fill her and at the end of the dance the woman, who clearly must enjoy this, is screaming as she is engulfed in flames.  That’s how they were able to create new technology. – Fantastic book by a prolific science-fiction writer that I should remember the name of but I don’t so just deal with it.

Knowing things is not as important as you think it is.

I feel like that woman (in the book) except I’m just in pain.  I’m not creating anything.

All the other artists have already done this.  Nothing is new.  Shakespeare already did it.  I’m just good at it “for a girl”.  No way left to be great.   Everything’s documented and if you weren’t there you are here.  THAT’S CLEARLY INFERIOR BECAUSE I’M NOT HAPPY HERE.  Let’s remember the times we were happy.  If we drink enough and squint what we have now looks even BETTER than what we had.

 

WHY AM I STILL SAD?

June 1st

I am the sun and the moon

I have not begun to shine
because the world is not ready for me

The pretention
The pride
MY TIMING IS GREAT.

I am trained to do the things you taught me
and I am BORED.

My anger swells and I need a place for therapy.
Look at me. I’m art. I’m pretty. I’m the thing you want. Media loves me. I’m great with the tweens.

I know what I am.
So why am I still sad?

Why am I alone and afraid and looking for a reason to keep going?

I am the abyss. Look into me.

On second thought, Take a picture, it’ll last longer.

I’m tired of apologizing. I’m tired of being afraid.
I work hard and I’m ready to be here.

Do your worst. I’m not backing down.