That’s the title to a song if you didn’t know. It doesn’t matter who the artist is because you can’t pull it up on a jukebox. Most of my post titles are titles of something else. I don’t get overt about it because that’s not what I’m doing here. I was reminded last night that I haven’t revisited the point of this blog since starting it in 2014. The subsequent 3 years were littered with highs and lows as I fearlessly embraced a complete life change. I’ve always had a penchant for pursuing my goals relentlessly. After twenty years of using the internet, I finally carved out my own place and started publicly saying things in a blog no one reads.

The goal of the project was originally to develop writing as a skill. It took a few cranks before the engine started. At first, I could only publish posts about what I’d done the night before. Storytelling with a high-school essay style. At least there were pictures. Plenty of drafts with streams of consciousness that fork so often it’s impossible to figure out what direction I intended. Trying to vomit all of my thoughts into one moment so I could get it out of my head and look at organization later. Imagine Hunter S. Thompson as a teenage girl writing in her diary. Other drafts are 2 to 300 words of organized thoughts that read like sandpaper.

Perhaps it’s best to use an example.

Actual draft from June 2014:
“I’m going to start this one with a metaphor. I’m not a sports person. I’m not against sports as a hobby, I just find it hard to pay attention to something so physical that lasts over such a long period of time. I like physical. Just not on TV. It’s hard to be a live sports fan without lots of time and money. Not all of us can be pediatric nephrologists though. (Screw you spell check, that is a word. Go read an anatomy book.)

So basically, when my husband wanted me to like his sport of choice, he had the BEST lead-in possible. It only lasts for two hours. In Association Football (aka Soccer), essentially every game is played for 90 minutes + stoppage. In TV land that equates to two 45+ minute halves and about 15 minutes intermission. So the minimum time commitment to a game is only about 1 hour and 45 minutes.

I’ve sat through longer movies that my husband likes. So I decided that the EPL was a good investment. I spend time with him doing something he likes and I don’t have to stay longer than 2 hours. So I started going to the games and bringing a book or some study material (go STCC!) and merely have to sacrifice my choice of media distraction.”

Ugh, did I actually say go STCC? At least no one can accuse me of pretension. The events discussed are circa 2010 and I was starting X-ray school. Vocational education is possibly still the best investment a 19-year old can make in today’s economy as far as college educations go. Let’s see…  hm, I’m happy the parentheticals (fuck you, it’s a word) are less prominent and I’ve almost completely removed asterisks from my style. The rest is an emaciated version of the conversational tone only I can hear.

The point is, my ability to communicate has significantly improved and I have proof. More importantly, forcing myself to write every day for nearly two years developed my voice, online and offline. Unfortunately, I maxed out stage performances in 2016 and have little hope of starting anything new soon. In return, I know what I’m capable of and can adapt to the stage when a story needs telling. Most stories can be well-written but the most important ones work best when I’m looking at someone’s face.

I decided on the name How To Leave Home in May 2014. The first visit to Seattle confirmed all of my assumptions. This was the primary goal. I had plans B-D in my back pocket but the universe was kind and I didn’t need them. The plan was never to live off the money from my former life. It gave me the courage to make the move but I have no need to recreate a life that looks like what I left in Memphis. I gave up the comfortable and familiar because I believe in what I’m doing. My success doesn’t come from numbers and my security isn’t insurable.