If you need a concise reason I chose Seattle…
“Another big reason I want to live in Seattle is that most of the people I’ve met there choose to be there. That’s the polar opposite of where I’ve lived. You only get to Memphis 2 ways – a girl or a job. The rest of us were born there.”
I made the mistake of letting myself relax. I moved all of the furniture that matters to anyone. 90% of my things are either packed or thrown away. I even did laundry so all the clothes I pack are clean. Continue reading No Rest for the Weary
There’s a wintry mix predicted for the early AM. I got a good parking space parked on level ground so I ain’t movin’ the car. As much as I’d like to be out tonight on my last Thursday in Memphis there’s just no competing with a parking spot I won’t get stuck in due to ice. It’s close enough to the front door I can even pack it up tomorrow afternoon without moving.
Yeah, I’m just hoping for a ride tonight and I’m not even hoping very hard. Being warm seems superior in general.
My official last day in Memphis is February 1st. I’m getting a tattoo (I hope) and then flying home the next day. By the time I say goodbye to Memphis I need to have something to turn towards. I’m facing West now, but it still feels a lifetime away. When I get on a plane with my cats and I have no more reasons to be in Memphis… I’ll probably cry a little.
Triumphant, I will only celebrate when there is truly a reason to do so.
I’m still in Memphis.
Have to be.
Planned to be.
Fear stopped yesterday
Belongings I’m keeping
Outnumber the rest
For the first time in years.
Exes are crossed
Unnecessary dots eyed
Boxes, soulless cubes
Labeled vaguely
Companions for the trip
Semblance of order
Compartmentalization
Compartment syndrome
To ease the pain
Of a lonely journey.
My heart arrives in Seattle tomorrow.
Furniture leaves Friday
I doubt I’m far behind.
I now have WA state car insurance, renter’s insurance and a AAA Premium Membership. I also have a year supply of contacts and 6 months supply of brain medicine.
If I could just start putting things in my car I’d be set.
The further into the game I get the happier I am. Continue reading Child of Light
It all hit me at once last night. The stark reality of what I’m doing. Picking up and leaving a perfectly good situation. Traveling toward the unknown with no way to know if I can make anything of myself. I just started figuring out how to be me and now I’m turning the world upside down. It grips my heart with cold icy fingers. This might be the high point in my life. I could be hurtling along the downward slope to my demise on the West Coast. I don’t understand why I do this to myself.
Fortunately, I have a xanex script. I slept off the worst of the panic attack and spent the rest of today dealing with this knot of nauseating stress in my stomach. Moving things helped. Not having furniture makes all of the boxes look much smaller. Thanks to early training at Tetris I can visualize most of the car packing experience. I have the speakers, head unit, and record player in one corner. The records make a good line. Three rectangle suitcases. CPU, 2 monitors and accessories. The rest is just towels and boxes in alternating stacks. Like cement between bricks.
Then, the drive. I’m stuck on this Grand Canyon idea based on the idea of scenic. I’d rather drive for 45 hours than try to make it in 34 and get stuck at the pass. Stopping could be irreversible. And I have a flight out of Seattle scheduled for January 30th. I haven’t planned any going away party yet. I don’t want to make it that real. But I know I have to go. If I was gonna quit, it would have been yesterday.
I don’t want to alarm anyone but, while you were sleeping, I dismantled reality.
Thanks to a huge help from the cosmos and a little boost from hallucinogens I explored the macrocosm that is all of creation with the idea that I’m at the center. Once you let yourself believe it becomes an onerous task to keep up with all of it.
I’m so glad someone else was there to help me through it. My spirit guide, my soul mate.