All posts by Ro

Adderall

Quick Thoughts

The subversive etymology of this prescription name takes me by surprise.  I always assumed it was spelled Aderol. It’s basically a time-released crack pill and the name they came up with is ADDerALL. Were they deliberately attacking the early 20s college psyche or was this a ploy toward creating super-villain masterminds. I’m high as fuck right now so it’s likely my analytical thinking is slightly hyper-focused. Seriously. The marketing brain there is worse than Prozac. In a perfect world, people are only prescribed medications that they actually need to take.  Recreational drugs are a different category. Continue reading Adderall →

The Secret Cultural Disparity in America

Art, Daily Life, mur, Quick Thoughts, Rants, Reasons for Things, Solo, Stories

I’m less of an asshole when I’m stoned. If we are going to start segregating society into different slashtroverts with various social impairments can we at least agree not all the substances out there have consistent effects? I know when you get stoned it means you are stupid and silly. Being “stoned” has classic connotations that vary depending on your generation and cultural identity. I personally feel way more stoned on an opiate than cannabis. Some people take adderall to feel normal. Others take it because it’s an amphetamine. Vices exist in every corner of our psyche but are differently governed depending on your flavor of upbringing. Continue reading The Secret Cultural Disparity in America →

Autism

Book, Daily Life, mur, Reasons for Things

Reading up on various definitions, I’m most certainly on the autism spectrum. I don’t consider myself high functioning – just functional. The time for most classic signs to emerge are during early childhood. I found a collection of books on how to handle a “gifted” child on the bottom shelf of the bookcase when I was old enough to read. I come from very logical parents so my restrictive behavior was treated as an advantage. I have reasons for everything I do. And I do mean everything. I can’t make decisions without a reason.  And when it comes to social dysfunction I am the veritable poster child. Continue reading Autism →

A Nice Boy

Book, Daily Life, First Impressions, Mecca, mur, Stories, Yoga

My date last night was pleasant. He’s a persistent fellow. Kept in touch with me on Tinder for weeks, a notoriously inconsistent medium. Rewarding dedication, we met in person and chatted about all types of things. He let me ask questions about growing up in another culture and I talked intelligently about yoga with another human for the first time in months. His interest in me seems genuine, even if it’s misplaced. Overall the experience was a 5 of 10 – mainly because we were at the Mecca and that adds an automatic +2 to any situation. Continue reading A Nice Boy →

Rule #4

Art, Book, Daily Life, Future Plans, Large Events, mur, Reasons for Things, Stories

Rule number one is Never Go Back and usually the easiest to follow. A rift in any relationship puts a wake between two people. Left to our own devices each party floats away in their own direction. Well, that would be the natural course of things if human egos and emotional dysfunction didn’t get in the way.  We desperately paddle against the tides in an effort to control fate. Strong feelings are even harder to ignore when they are irrational. Not pursuing feelings so tangible I can taste them feels too much like doing nothing. In order to follow Rule #1, I have to stay looking forward even when I rather lose myself in someone’s eyes. Continue reading Rule #4 →

Good Neighbors

Art, Daily Life, Mecca, mur, Random, Smut, Stories

I knock so gently there’s barely a noise. I fiddle with the belt on my long jacket, a bulging knot of thread where seams meet is starting to fray.  I notice things like that when I’m nervous.  I kinda wish I’d taken a pain pill earlier.  I’d be more relaxed but it’s been over 6 days since my last one.  The longest I’ve gone this year is 14 days.  That was back when I had a job and steady income.  The pain started to seem worth it for once.  I slept more, drank less.  Felt like I finally had wind beneath my wings.  I wasn’t prepared for my first summer job in a port city.  Continue reading Good Neighbors →

Anger Issues

mur, Quick Thoughts, Random, Rants

I’m not quick to anger. I’m whatever the opposite of that is. I cower in the face of strong emotion, head between my knees waiting for the event to end. I react so strongly to perceived violence I once started crying uncontrollably when I thought a cat in a movie had died. Without warning I suddenly feel everything with every cell in my body. The simplest solution is to shut down. I’ve felt my spirit break so many times I should put it on my resume. If I just stare straight ahead and don’t let anyone see me cry everything will work out, right?  Continue reading Anger Issues →