I’ve lost my phone and I know my cat is dying.

Tonight I asked for a ride home and he said yes, begrudgingly. He was there with a girl. Not something I expected. Climbing into the back seat of his two door jeep, I mentally face-palm myself for my own ignorance. He only fucked me that one time. Why would I think it meant something. I should know, given my appearance, no one can take me seriously.

Why don’t I just give up? There’s nothing serious here. I’m right back where I started and all I have is the shreds of dignity I’ve knitted together with optimism and fortitude. My story still bums people out and I’m not achieving any of the goals I set forth. If anything, I’m wasting oxygen. I don’t see any reason to try, given the inevitable outcome. I wish euthanasia was legal just so I could put my last bit of money toward an easy cleanup. There is no greater gift than minimizing inconvenience toward your family and friends.