I went snowmobiling in Steamboat Springs, CO when I was 16. All of my good vacations were other families’ trips and this was no exception. On the first day, we took ski lessons. I had the muscle tone of a veal cutlet at the time so the result was lots of falling down. The very next thing we did was ski lift to the top of the mountain where there was a very nice restaurant. The plan was to ski down. With me and an 8-year old in the party, the decision was made to take the winding green circle path to get back to the lodge.

Seen as a chance to improve our technique so we wouldn’t hurt ourselves on steeper slopes, I can’t argue with that logic. I would have argued with the estimated 2 hours it takes to complete that particular trail. I started out with the ability to stay upright for almost 4 yards at a time. 30 minutes in I could almost do 6 yards. I was cold and sore and frustrated but the most overwhelming emotion was embarrassment. I couldn’t stand the repeated failures while children and their mothers slid past me with ease. I didn’t understand what I was doing wrong and each attempt was weaker than the last.

Eventually, I gathered my skis and started walking down the path. It was more enjoyable for me to make some sort of progress than try to keep balance. A gruff gentleman on a snowmobile came up beside me and asked me why I was walking. I looked at him with tears in my eyes and angrily whined, “This is faster than trying to ski down.” With a sigh he loaded me and my equipment on the back of his ride and I took what is called the Sled of Shame down the hill. Thing is, that 15 minutes was the most fun I had all day. The next day I got booked for a 6-hour snowmobile tour of the rocky mountains. Fucking awesome.

Now that I’m in the PNW, offers for skiing and/or hiking are trickling into my social calendar. I’m not ruling any of it out as something I’ll enjoy. I’m in the best shape of my life and successfully skiing downhill might dispel some demons I’ve been keeping bottled for a long time. I already know that I enjoy hiking. Even in the snow. That said, I don’t plan to spend tons of time trudging through nature. I have time for that when I’m old and hanging out in the city has gotten boring. Pretty sure the only way I’ll go hiking on the regular is if I end up with a dog that loves the forest as much as I love her.