I’ve posted over 600 times in this blog. I started the project with faith I would find myself in these musings. Part of me thinks I have. And my parents are right. I am pretty much worthless. Tonight I saw my mediocrity contrasted against creative shiny people with so much to offer the world. I held a smile on my face and hope the pain I feel doesn’t radiate outside of my body. I’ve been lonely my entire life. I was a fool to think that would change with my location. If anything, I left behind the few kind souls that have shown me compassion in my short life. My cat is once again the only thing keeping me connected to this world. I hate to think of how much respect she’d lose for me if I killed myself. I don’t want her to see that. I’m less concerned with what the rest of the world thinks. I’m very dislikeable and the older I get the more permanent it feels. I crave the day I’m brave enough to buy a gun. I want to put a bloody exclamation point on the end of this life, the worst mistake my mother ever made.