I agreed to meet someone tonight after a very long break in correspondence. I don’t want to go. I have no viable reason. At least none I have proof of. The break in contact occurred for a reason though. This person has made me feel uncomfortable in the past. Probably due to my own inability to communicate, given the personal growth I’ve had since then. I still don’t know exactly what to expect. I don’t want to go but I will. I can’t tell the difference between anxiety or dread at this point. It’ll only take 20 minutes before I know if my gut is right or I’ll discover my past judgement is wrong. If that happens then I’m just a bus ride away from home.

5 hours later…

I ran him off! I realized my discomfort was coming from the dynamic of our meeting place. It was right next to where he lives. Bad connotation for several reasons. I requested a venue change to somewhere I’m comfortable with. He acquiesced. I also decided to be myself. When asked what’s going on in my life, I’ll be honest. Too honest. There’s a kink story I’m working on that consumes a lot of my voluntary time. I also went to an amateur porn festival twice last week. I’m also about to get a job working at a place I’m excited about.

These paths of conversation were received with good humor and the euphemism, “I’m glad you’re having fun.” I’m overjoyed at sharing who I really am. He got squeamish when I mentioned my leather daddy. I apologized saying, “Is it because of the cow thing?”

He looks thoughtful for a moment and says, “No, I’m not particularly religious.”

I ask if he was beaten by a leather belt as a child and he says, “Well yes, of course.”

Sigh. Culture, am I right? So we chatted politely for a while and he eventually excused himself. That’s right, I ran him off! This is just further proof that if someone creeps you out the best defense is to be creepier in return. Apparently the best way to creep out squarish misogynists is to talk openly about your kink life. Yet another bonus to living out loud.