There’s a girl on Tinder I like. I want to message her but I don’t. I can already feel her rejection. Of course, it’s not real. She’s probably a nice, open-minded person just like me. Won’t judge on appearances and might even have empathy for me as a human. But then again, maybe she’s an asshole. The fact I find her attractive means I’ll be nervous, greatly increasing the chance that I’ll be the asshole.  Really, it’s just safer to do nothing. 

I thought I’d abandoned this kind of self doubt. I know I’m a smart, sexy woman that most people are happy to spend time with. The only people that disapprove of me have something else to compare it to.  Not to say I’m worse or better off than before. Just different in a few key ways. I’m open to different realities, something my friends seem to understand.  It’s hard enough being myself.  The added pressure of pretending to be something I’m not got unbearable.  Shockingly similar to a trope, I’m usually just genuinely clueless at opportune times.  Smiling and nodding can get a person much farther than it ever should.