When I feel this way I know I’m leaking energy.  Something’s not right in my flow and to “go with it” is rough on me.  Knowing my own body, heart, mind and soul it’s easy to feel foreign things creeping in under the carpet.  Insinuating themselves into my psyche, speaking when not spoken to.  Chips on my shoulder, curving inward, biting my skin.  I was a Carrier.  Now I’m a rock.  No desire to move anymore.  A foundation so solid I’m gathering moss.  I can sense the parasites more easily now. 

I was prepared to live in the hardest place to exist.  I failed that test emotionally.  I was fired from my job for using profanity in front of customers.  Going back home was a good option.  I had no friends tying me down.  Somehow, proximity to my parents rates as a good decision?  Cheap cost of living is not a bonus feature.  The lack of education and healthcare alone are great reasons to not procreate.  Yet every person around me methodically follows the life paths presented – college, get married, have kids.

Determined to do things differently I threw myself into work.  I’d gotten a job at a vet clinic and quickly followed that with a second job at an emergency vet clinic.  In my early 20s I usually mistook more for better.  Long story short, I got fired for lacking compassion.  My abysmally dark humor offended someone and as a result I was asked to leave.  The irony is so thick I still get wistful drinking a kamikaze.  The name of the shot plays into the incident that got me in trouble but as I said, that’s another story.