Before I moved to the Seattle an intimate acquaintance who lived here before noted, “It’s pretty much like Midtown [Memphis], except everywhere you see black people there are Asian people instead.”  He’s not wrong.  But first you have to remember – Asia is a pretty big place.  I’ve been here a few months now and I’m seeing for myself.  Skin color is a poor way to determine behavior.  I asked a dark-skinned person I know well enough to not offend how he feels about racism in this area.  He said being a black person in the Pacific Northwest is a lot like being invisible.  That, I can certainly relate to. 

Entering The Cuff on Father’s Day I felt the stares, as if a room full of people resented me simultaneously and then suddenly fell silent.  Perceived as a woman, I immediately fade into invisibility.  Unless I make a fuss or commit a faux pas I am virtually ignored as much as possible.  That’s why I feel at home in gay bars.  That blanket of disregard draped over me warms my fragile ego and makes me feel safe.  A true solitude while hiding in plain sight.  I relax into the role of Puck and merely interject an ironic observation while never insulting the fairy court.  I appreciate the fey while avoiding the glamour.

My appearance is female no matter what I do.  There’s a certain threshold of breast tissue that simply leaves no question.  I don’t invest that much in my looks, especially these days, so I don’t really care what people perceive as long as I’m comfortable.  Undue attention to my mammary glands is notable but not offensive.  If someone calls me ma’am I’ll giggle but rarely correct them.  I put a lot of power into words but pronouns are just something to connect ideas with, not a summation of identity.  After fighting to get my friends and family to accept an actual name change caring how strangers address me feels trivial.

The word lady is has essentially become a slur.  Its derogatory tone started with punk kids and has grown to fit just about any voice wielding it right. That four-letter word, with the right inflection, can sound worse than cunt. On the flip side, being a bitch is cool again. Suits me because I sure ain’t a lady.  I want to go up to each Indignant White Lady (IWL) I see and shake them like an ornery toddler.  “You moron! Don’t you get it! The entire path women paved to moral superiority is crafted from patience and wisdom. Quit ruining that with your uptight princess asshole of a mouth.”  But I keep quiet.  Giving them more attention just makes it worse.