I’m not an expert on dating technology but I’m apparently good at it.  I have met multiple stellar friends on Tinder and OkCupid.  I even found a quality person on Craiglist once but that was back in the dark ages; I got lucky that time but only in the sense of not getting raped and murdered.  I possess a unique combination of confidence and intuition.  My willingness to stab someone in the throat in self defense is just a learned skill from growing up in Memphis.  Overall, I’m well-equipped to meet almost anyone and give them at least 30 minutes of my attention.  After that, you better be worth my time.

The silver lining to my history of abuse is a sixth sense for motive. At this point, my gut can alert me to negativity with stunning accuracy.   The way people say things can have so much more meaning than they ever intend.  There are subtle linguistical differences among the class system in America that hearken back to Shaw’s England.  Combining that with passive aggressive rhetoric and listening to what someone isn’t saying reveals intentions behind the words.

As far as OkCupid goes, the key factor to my approach is assuming these strangers don’t want to hurt me. That’s the baseline for everyone I encounter until they give me a reason not to trust them.  The sooner someone gives me a reason, the less willing I am trust them.  I’d like to state for the record, I answer nearly every message sent to me on OkCupid.  I don’t bother with anyone that’s gratuitously crude or only sends an emoticon.  Anything that resembles a coherent message gets a response.  The effort I put into responding is usually commensurate with the opening line.  Here are some examples:

22-year old: Hi.
Me: Hello.

52-year old: Hello! You are quite lovely.  I would love to take you to dinner and talk about how you are liking Seattle.  I travel a lot for work, how’s next weekend look for you?
Me:  Thank you!  It’d be great to grab drinks sometime as long as “travel a lot for work” isn’t a euphemism for “have a wife”.  Lmk! 😉

32-year old:  I like your pink hair.  You are pretty rad and we like some of the same things.  Want to get together and see if we click? Maybe we won’t. Who knows?!  lol  hit me up.
Me:  I looked at your profile and didn’t see much in common except live music.  What’s your favorite venue?

42-year old:  Hi there!  We have quite a few things in common; and I think you are super cute. Would love to meet for drinks sometime and see if we match. You have a very beautiful smile.  Have a great day! -name
Me:  Thank you!  That sounds great.  I’m always up for a free drink on Capitol Hill.  If I like you I’ll buy the next round.  Lmk 😉

Women: <nothing>
Me: Sorry, women don’t send messages to me either. =(

Most importantly, I stay positive and vague.  Throwing in some sarcasm can usually go a long way toward uncovering a good sense of humor.  It’s not a perfect system but the minimal effort I put into responding to the people that bother to contact me has yielded numerous connections.  Some are brief and others are lasting but the willingness to try makes all the difference.