I didn’t know what the term slut-shaming really meant until yesterday.  Hearing the phrase doesn’t sum up the internal burden of secretly loving sex my whole life.  In Seattle, I can just say, “I’m from the South,” and most people nod in commiseration.  I could detail my specific self-loathing or recall the flavor of bitter I taste but wallowing is self pity isn’t my thing.  I’m happy to know myself enough to be here and look forward to the future. 

Last night, I had sex with two men at the same time.  My ideal devil’s threesome – one guy completely straight and the other heteroflexible.  They are both wonderfully attractive but fundamentally the experience is about my body and how much we all love it.  I felt like a goddess and tried out nipple clamps for the first time.  We all had a very good time.  That part of the experience doesn’t make me feel like a slut.  It’s the revulsion of other people, especially women, that makes me feel like I did something wrong.

Don’t get me wrong, I can give two shits what people think of me now.  That wasn’t my first threesome.  Not even my fifth.  I stopped counting because the number doesn’t matter to me.  This experience is special because afterwards we re-joined the party basking in the post-coital glow of non-judgement.  One of my partners confesses he doesn’t remember much else from the evening because our time together was so intense.  Maybe I’m just that good but I attribute it to the surreal level of acceptance at the CSPC.

Slut-shaming probably has roots in good intentions.  It’s an effective pre-internet way to keep your daughters from entering certain dangerous situations.  Unfortunately it’s a self-esteem lobotomy.  We tell people enjoying sex is the same as being a bad person while celebrating emotional torture like serial monogamy because it resembles traditional couples.  I’m thrilled to have a place where I can share pleasure without fear of social reproach.  I even made friends and got an offer to try flogging the next time I’m there.

There’s a more subtle type of slut-shame I see cropping up in my near future.  The misconception that just because I like sex and sexual experiences I’ll accept any offer.  The main advantage I currently have in life is knowing what I want.  I don’t mind saying no and typically defy silly assumptions.  My standard for partners is based more on personality than appearance so I expect some people will be disappointed that I’m not DTF all the time.  My current catch phrase is I’m tons of fun but that doesn’t make me easy.