I’ve had a daily obligation to yoga for about 7 days now. From 2pm until 7pm I am in yoga class. Only about an hour of that is actually doing yoga. The rest is getting myself clean, dressed and transported to the studio in time for the 4:30 class and then there’s another hour on the bus after class to get back downtown. It’s a big daily time commitment for a hobby.  Something only the privileged can really manage easily.  So ironically, if I had a job by now, I’d never be able to enjoy this yoga intensive.  That’s my silver lining to unemployment. 

I feel the Fear.  I look into the dark swirling future and I don’t know what’s going to happen.  I’ve felt this twice before.  Right right after I graduated college and right before I got married.  It’s a natural part of life that feels wholly unnatural – not knowing.  I’m reverting back to old anxiety habits.  It’s hard for me to leave the house and I am overly concerned with my appearance.  Subtle insecurities about speaking that probably only I can see.  I can feel the Fear trying to swallow me.

My solution is music.  I listen to my iPod while commuting.  I let my mind sing and throw periodic body movements in for flavor.  I choose to dance in the face of quiet anxiety and keep doing yoga every day.  A wise woman warned me this might happen.  Instead of fighting it, she advised I grow accustomed to the feeling.  I’ll get used to the discomfort without ignoring Fear.  Before long it will pass through me like all the other molecules.  Perhaps in another 7 days the way will seem clearer.  My back will definitely be stronger.