In this strange world of open relationships and unlimited spots for first dates, I can lose focus on lessons I’ve already learned.  It’s easy to get swept away in the thrill of romance and promise of support. In less than three weeks, dating went from fun to overwhelming.  Each action I chose seemed to steer me farther from my confidence.  It’s like my wires were crossed and I kept mistaking flattery for friendship.  So yesterday I went out with an honest-to-gawd friend.

A rarity on in general, I located a local person who knew me before all this change made me shiny and new.  That alone is a treasure.  But this is someone from my past that I actually LIKE.  That’s almost unheard of.  I spent the whole day with someone that doesn’t judge anything about me and it was refreshing.  Like a cool breeze in a desert full of strangers I rediscovered my joy at how far I’ve come.  Nothing better than a surprise witness to shock the system.

I go forward with a more solid sense of self.  I’m not sure what “dating” is these days.  I want to explore the idea because meeting new people is fun.  I’ve been watching this dance for many years now and I know the red flags.  I’m a strong, proud woman with a little girl inside that’s far, far away from home.  In a way…  I’m still shocked they allow me into the state, let alone fraternizing with the natives.