I’m having a problem with reality.  I can’t tell if I’m in it or just watching it.  I feel like I’m having a conversation with someone only to find out they can’t hear me.  Or aren’t listening.  Either way I’m definitely talking to myself.  Sometimes it goes on so long I wonder if anyone can hear me.  I’ll look around and try to decided if anyone can see me.  I used to crave the anonymity I’m currently swathed in.  All of the assumptions people make about me currently are based on what they see.  That’s improvement, trust me.  Where I came from most people made their assumptions based on what they’d heard.

Sadness and pain are experienced on a surface level, no matter how deep down you try to hide it.  Sadness consumes the moment and erases any nuance of circumstance.  Pain is all you can think about and the only goal becomes ending it.  Feeling something others can’t (or won’t) acknowledge is the truest test of sanity.  The loneliness and repression can feel like ages locked up in a prison of worry and self-doubt.   Praying for an outside influence to validate your very existence.  Afraid to voice concerns because the response is always the same – Relax. You Worry Too Much.  This too, shall pass.