Just as obvious as I could ask for.

I’m the troll of prophecy. Shunned and alone, I adopt the ancillary lifestyle with verve. Who else will watch your dog while you go home for the holidays? I’m there to make sure one employee works Christmas Eve. Adopting the best part of the holiday as my own, drinking.

I didn’t consider the long term effect when I got my tattoo. All I knew at the time was how much sense it makes. Now I’m the zebra girl. Not the worst moniker but certainly not a goal I’ve sought.

All I want is someone to make out with on a semi-regular basis. Something solid enough to last more than a week. Someone warm enough to be honest.

It’s more likely I mistakenly snog someone unwitting. January will be lonely either way.

I spent the summer trying to find other people to love. Given my lack of dowry, I didn’t find more than a few tramps looking for a score. I ooze talent but can’t offer anything until a basic credit check. Don’t blame me, a girl does what she can. In the end, I’ve had glorious orgasms by myself. I’ll miss my cat more than any fleeting romance.