I met a Pisces last night. First happy one I’ve met in a long time. So naturally I grab his hand and ardently beg him not to kill himself. I’ve had bad luck with Pisces in the past. Later that night he shoved his finger up another man’s butt.  

Tonight I’ve got a date to the CSPC Hump Day party.  I haven’t encountered the idea of sex positivity before.  My personal struggle involves a torrid history of treating sex as currency.  Battling body dysmorphia and Southern repression, I accepted any attention as validation and used sex to declare my love.  The most confusing part of the whole mess is that I really enjoy sex.  The way I express my sexuality is not always healthy but I don’t considered it morally wrong.  Sex is only bad if someone’s using it as a weapon.  That’s a whole different conversation.

As I mature, I get even more pleasure and emotional satisfaction each time I open up to new experiences.  That’s what tonight is about.  I’m honestly terrified.  My repression sometimes rears its ugly head in the form of fear.  Other times I freeze up and go mute with shock.  That’s all stuff I’ve dealt with.  This particular fear is largely due to my perpetual inner shyness – What if no one likes me?